Academy for Coaching Parents

More Tips for Understanding Your Child–Behavior

by | Jul 27, 2018 | Understanding Your Child

If you feel like your child’s behavior drives you crazy sometimes, you are not alone. Each of us has felt the same. Often, children’s misbehavior and tantrums effectively irritate others when you are tired, rushed, stressed, or worried. This is particularly true if you could not seem to correct such misbehavior.

Misbehavior Is A Message

If you are facing this kind of problem, begin the approach to solving it by treating the misbehavior as a message. Your child definitely is trying to tell you something he could not easily and effectively express.

Understanding your child's misbehavior could help you discern and decipher what exactly it is he is trying to say to you. He has goals for misbehaving the way he does.

Through comprehending misbehavior, you could help yourself curb any unlikely or bratty behavior of your child so you could eventually enjoy a better and stronger relationship. Here are some guidelines that could help you going.

Be The First One To Reach Out

Nobody ever said parenting is an easy and smooth task. More frequently, parents find it hard, difficult, and frustrating to handle their children. If you have problems with your child's behavior, it would help a lot if you would reach out.  Anyway, if you would not take the effort to do so, who would? If you find yourself resisting the idea on principle, then drop the resistance. Reach out to your child.

Controlling Behaviors Is Controlling Your Responses Also

First, understand that misbehavior is every child's creative and scheming approach to seek and catch attention. You may start curbing it by evaluating and determining how you actually feel and react if he misbehaves. Your child may be continuously acting out if he sees you are irritated and annoyed.

To make a good start, try to ignore the bad behavior even for once. Give her more attention every time she behaves more appropriately. This could be your creative way of telling her that the best way to catch your attention is through behaving properly.

Don't Show Or Use Your Anger-That is Detrimental

Try not to show anger whenever your child misbehaves. You may send him the wrong signal. If you get irritated or annoyed, try your best to be as calm and as pleasant as possible. This way, you are removing yourself totally from the conflict. The moment she calms down, encourage your child to talk and tell you what it is he likes. Then, try to set logical consequences for his misbehavior (but be careful not to make it look and sound like actual punishments).

Always have patience. There is no need to feel helpless no matter how difficult the situation could be.  As an adult, show the child that you are mature and knowledgeable enough in handling the situation.

Keep on talking to your child during his calm moments so you could settle and resolve whatever differences you may have with each other. Understanding your child may not be simple, but you could always succeed with determination and practices responses. Foster a healthy and open relationship with your child and make yourself approachable at all times.

How to Develop a More Positive Mindset Audio

by | Jul 25, 2018 | Mindset and Money

How can a consultant or coach help us adjust our mindset for more positive outcomes? it is the half-full or half-empty glass kind of metaphor...

Negativity can discourage us:

  • add to our stress,
  • put a strain on our relationship,
  • make us less productive, and
  • reduce our overall happiness.

A positive mindset, on the other hand, has many benefits across our lives regarding our health, relationships, and careers.

But, how do you become more positive? Is it that simple? Take a moment to listen to this brief audio reminder:   

 

Five steps to developing a more positive mindset:

1. Keep a thought journal

If you have a negative internal dialogue continually keeping you down, you need to take action to banish these thoughts. If you have difficulty identifying this negativity a simple first action can be keeping a thought journal. Write down a random sample of ideas in your mind about yourself, events, people around you, and other events that happen throughout your day.

Then analyze these thoughts by reviewing the journal every night and establishing your thought patterns towards a positive mindset. 

Do specific events trigger your negative thoughts? Take note of these and the next time you face a  triggering situation, review carefully how you are approaching it.

2. Banish negative self-talk

After keeping track of your thoughts for a week or two, you will notice how consuming your negative thoughts can be. The next step is to banish these all together. Next time you write down negative thoughts in your journal,  rephrase the wording so that it becomes a neutral statement.

Example: 

"Bob forgot to take out the trash again so I had to do it and it ruined my evening."

“Bob forgot to take out the trash. I did it. instead." 

This step is a small but effective way to train yourself. Don’t do this exercise only on paper or in your journal. Begin to rephrase your negative thoughts into neutral phrases in your mind. The practice will become automatic and significantly reduces your anxiety. 

3. See the positive side

To jump straight from negative into positive thoughts is a challenge and the reason why the neutral-thought stage is crucial. By banishing negative self-talk, you are in an excellent position to see different, genuine positivity in situations.

Refer back to your thought journal and examine again the negative thoughts you have had. For each negative view, can you transform it into at least one positive, upbeat equivalent? 

For example, if you dislike a person because they speak poorly to you, think about how you are developing more resilience.  What is the positive from that contrary position?

It can be hard to find benefits within challenging circumstances, but there is always a way to see something good.

As the Dalai Lama once said, “See the positive side, the potential, and make an effort.” Sometime, a lot of effort might be required, but it’s worth it!

4. Keep a gratitude journal

A gratitude journal is an incredible way to take stock of all of the beautiful things around you. Every evening you write down the sound, positive aspects of your day. In general, what are you grateful for and why? 

Perhaps you are grateful to your friends for their support, for the warm bed where you sleep well, or for the great weather you had that day. Write down all the positives. 

When I started a gratitude journal, I found my mind arguing with me and contradicting my positive statements. What I learned from exploring this is when I don't sleep well, the mind complains the next day without fail. Further research indicated that this is a typical pattern, but few people recognize the link between lack of sleep and mental angst or complaints. 

    5. Learn your sleep habits

This is a sure-fire way to re-ground you, make you gain perspective and make you realize how insignificant that particular trigger may be in the larger scheme of things. Context is essential, so keep shifting your mind towards the positive.

Stay grateful.

Final Conclusion

Practicing these four simple thoughts can help you transform how you perceive the world around you. Positive perception has the power to change your life, improving your attitudes and the ways that you respond to stress triggers.[Be patient and keep working at positivity, as it has so many benefits for your life, so make the most of it!

 

 

Ten Tips to Deal with Changes in Your Life

by | Jul 23, 2018 | Learn about Coaching

 Consultants and coaches supporting people through life changes can use these tips.

1. Acceptance
The largest and most necessary step to change is acceptance. Life events always change, and expecting and accepting that premise helps us cope more readily. My friend Louisa received a diagnosis of cancer.  Through the support of her family and friends, she coped well during the treatment sessions. All of us, who supported her healing journey, were grateful that she was not embarrassed to ask for help. She gladly allowed our small acts of kindness to ease her path. Louisa got over feeling guilty when asking for help, and I got over reminding her that I was there to support her. 

2. Learn to Shift Out of Your Comfort Zone
Does it seem that changes occur as soon as you are comfortable or set in a routine? Most likely, you don't expect a major change  if your guard is down.   

Download this resource now:

Step Out of Your Comfort Zone

3. Talk About Your Feelings Towards Change
If you tend to let things build up inside, choose now to stop that habit. You may be a person who doesn't like to share personal feelings. Or you might be embarrassed to share them.  If the changes are at work, for instance, consider talking to your manager about the impact of those changes.  Present your concerns in a professional manner and stick to purposeful breathing which helps you feeling angry or overwhelmed. 

4. Try to Turn the Change in Your Favor
The phrase turn lemons into lemonade has widely been overused. However, it’s hard to deny the meaning of it and the impact of that meaning. If you are dealing with change, in one form or another, see what angles you can use to make it work to your benefit.

5. Keep Changes You Can Control to a Minimum
If you try to enact too many changes at once, it may overwhelm the people who are affected by them. People need time to absorb those changes and incorporate them into their lives.  Sometimes, the changes you put into place may be out of your control. However,  if you do have control over them, introducing them slowly over time helps those who affected to adjust and accept more easily. 

6. Join Support Groups
If you have been affected by changes and needed to talk to another person, then you know that we need each others' support. This is so true when death or a long-term illness occurs. Are the types of changes you experience similar to others' experiences. Would a support group help in adjusting? 

7. Trust Your Instincts
You may be forced into situations or decisions that go against what you believe.. If you find yourself in such a situation, it’s best to go with your gut or trust your instincts. If the change doesn’t feel right and you have no power to counter it, try to remove yourself from the situation. I have counseled others in tough situations, and solutions varied from changing jobs to taking time from work and seeking another person to help you clarify your vision and feelings. If you need help, seek it out. 

8. Change Can Lead to Unforeseen Opportunities
The whole point of being able to deal with change effectively is acceptance. When you start to focus on change being something that is good, opportunities have a way of finding you. These opportunities may not have presented themselves had the changes not occurred.

Let’s Start With Defining Your Success

by | Jul 14, 2018 | You are an Entrepreneur

How do you define SUCCESS?  One defnition is success is achieving your financial goals through your online coachinfg or consulting business.

Not a Destination

The problem is, success isn’t a destination. Success is a journey with stops along the way.  Being successful is moving toward your goals, this the way to achieve it is to be constantly moving forward with the goals in the distance.  Your happiness isn’t dependent upon actually reaching that goal, however.  Your success is based on the sense of accomplishment you derived from having closed the distance and achieved that goal.

The bottom line is that your definition of success is on the path to get the things that you want, one at a time, and to continue to improve yourself and to inspire yourself to reach the next level.

That brings us to the framework for those goals that you want to achieve – your habits for success. The practices that you cultivate will result in the success you desire. Habits for success are clearly defined, well thought out and designed to take you to the goals that you have set for yourself. To understand what a pattern for success is, set some goals first. But for demonstration purposes, here are three different examples because it can be difficult to know how to identify the successful habit.

The reason that people have problems becoming successful is that they have not figured out exactly what it means to be a success!  Defining it for yourself is the first step in achieving it. AT ACPI, we have varied goals for reaching our audience as well as monthly financial goals to tell us we are on target.

Defining Success

The problem is...success isn’t really a destination. Success is a journey with stops along the way. Those stops are the destinations where you want to arrive, but there is no final destination.  Being successful and happy is moving toward your goals, and the only way to achieve it is to be constantly moving forward.

You are going to want more, and that’s okay. You set another goal – a higher purpose – of being able to attend charity dinners where the price of a plate is over $1000 for example. Your happiness isn’t dependent upon the actual goal achievement. It is based upon your hard work and your sense of accomplishment derived from having achieved that goal

The bottom line is that your definition of success is never a specific destination. Preferably, your destiny is being on the path to get the things that you want and continue to improve yourself and inspire yourself to reach more and more goals.

That brings us to the framework for those goals that you want to achieve – your habits for success. The practices that you will be teaching yourself result in the success you desire. Habits for success are clearly defined, well thought out and designed to take you to the goals that you have set for yourself. To understand what a pattern for success is complete, you set some goals first.

Five Lessons from Warren Buffet

You might be wondering what super-investor Warren Buffett can teach you about life. You might be thinking that he knows a lot about money, but that has little to do with being an expert on life. You might be surprised. Warren is famous for his simple lifestyle and love of his work. Let these lessons in life be a guide for contentment in your own life:

1. Focus on what you love. Warren has a beautiful, modest home, and drives a $40,000 car. He could own the most expensive house and vehicles in the world, but he doesn’t. He drinks Coke, buys what he likes, and enjoys a relatively simple life.

Enjoy your life and the things you have. Avoid being concerned about what everyone else has or about what you could have. It’s more satisfying to own one perfect painting than to own ten that don’t thrill you. Seek out the things you love and avoid wasting your time on the rest.

2. Quality is more important than quantity. You only need to make a few right decisions to be incredibly successful. Warren Buffett has hundreds of billions of dollars to invest for himself and others, yet he frequently only owns 20 or so stocks. Be picky. Be happy with a smaller quantity.

Warren has a very famous line that states, “Your financial wealth would be much greater if you could only make 20 investments in your lifetime. You would make sure they were great if you had only 20 chances.”

3. Do what you love.  Warren has said that the essential part of success and contentment is doing what you love every day. That’s why he’s never stopped investing and making money. If you’re spending your time doing what you love, you continue doing the same thing regardless of how much money you have.

You might not enjoy the career you have right now. But are you doing anything to change that? Do you have a plan? Imagine how much more content you would be if you enjoyed going into work each day.

4. Mind your own business. You needn’t be concerned with what the competition is doing. Avoid being influenced by everyone else. If you do what everyone else is doing, you’ll simply be average. Avoid comparing yourself to everyone else. Follow your intuition. Most of us are overly concerned with others. We’re worried about how we compare. We’re concerned about their opinions of us. They’re probably thinking the same things. Get yourself out of that loop and do your job.

5. Stick to your talents. Warren is famous for shunning high-tech investments, even when they were practically a sure thing. He has stated that he doesn’t understand them well enough to invest in them. Stay in your areas of strength. You don’t need to do everything. Focus on what you know well.

We usually enjoy doing the things that showcase our strengths. That’s human nature. It also makes life easier. Work on your weaknesses, but leverage your strengths.

You might be thinking, “Yeah, anyone could be content with $50 billion.” But that’s not true. Studies have shown that happiness and income correlate to $75,000. Above that income level, happiness does not increase.

Super wealthy people became wealthy mainly because they were comfortable living a particular way and kept moving forward to those goals or achievements they had scheduled into life. You can be just as content, even if you never amass a mega-fortune. Aim to increase the amount of contentment in your life. It might not be an issue of money, possessions, or the other things that most people think to lead to happiness.

 

 

Positively Influence People by Finding Out What They Need

by | Jul 9, 2018 | How to Become A Consultant

To help clients, the consultants and the coaches can offer ways to help people control their thoughts or habits and become happier people. Determine what they need and fulfill those needs where possible.

What certified professional coaches do for their clients falls along the line of helping to determine the goals and committing to their achievement. The coach's role is also to help the client be accountable.

On the other hand, certified professional consultants help their clients by giving advice, and also could fill in the coaching role. There are two ways to approach a client's fulfillment.

The first, behavior modification, allows you to change a person's undesirable behaviors using positive reinforcement.

The second method of influencing is reality modification, and we'll concentrate most of our attention on this. This influencing technique is successful because of the way that you present your request. You know what people need.

There are three primary goals people subconsciously seek:

  • Symbolic rewards
  • Material gains
  • Security

Symbolic Rewards

We all need symbolic rewards, such as recognition and praise. Everybody wants to feel valuable or unique. The act of praising and recognizing another is a strong motivator. Always reward good deeds with praise, and give positive, constructive criticism where change is needed. If you are patient, in time you will see the results of your work with your client.

Material Rewards

Material rewards mean a lot to people, whether they realize it or not. In any capitalist society, some people view one's material gain as a symbol of high value. Since money produces material gain, it is a strong motivator, and it can have a strong influence on others.

Security

Everyone needs security and stability. Security is attained when people feel they belong and are needed by others. People want security in their jobs, friends, and families. There are many ways to increase other people's feelings of security:

  1. Clearly define for others what you have to offer and what you expect from them in return. Tell them why the relationship you have with them is the way it is.
  2. Make people feel that they are needed and belong in the relationship with you. Show a need for their presence.
  3. Let others know what their efforts are accomplishing and how they are affecting you. Show them that their efforts are appreciated.
  4. Make sure that parties in the relationship are compatible.
  5. Emphasize comfort. Make sure people are comfortable in their relationships with you.