Good communication is a key to understanding your child better. Togther, parenting coaches and parents review the steps to maintaining a harmonious relationship that keeps the parent-child relationship healthier and flourishing.
Firstly, be genuinely familiar with your child’s language especially during times of conflicts and confrontations. Familiarize yourself with your child’s words, the tone of voice, and emotional responsivity. Does the chid’s speech tone suggest a specific emotion like anxiety, shyness, fear, or the need to dominate or be shy? Secondly, learn how to accept the full range of your child’s emotionality.
- How do you take the chid’s overall behavior?
- Can you receive the emotions and feelings of your child?
- As you succeed in understanding his feelings, you are better able to guide him to express his unpleasant and unlikely feelings appropriately.
- Encourage a child’s real feelings in conversation. Suppression of emotions and feelings are not healthy.
Understanding a child
Thirdly, I have observed that not each parent shows a speaking child the courtesy of attention. Interrupting, bombarding the child with questions, or flinging anger and accusation signals that the child maintains her distance. Explain and make him realize that interrupting any speaker is considered rude by some adults.. This is also a way of instilling him some part of good values. Fourthly, always be approachable. As much as possible, help your child know that she can approach you and not to hesitate to discuss any problem or requests. If the child realizes that open communication between him and you is always possible, imagine how much respect your child has for you! Fifthly, ask questions so you gather further information, but not in an interrogating manner. Try to ask questions that solicit honest and direct answers from your child. How do you act and speak to your child, so that she feels confident with you. Lastly, provide useful, helpful and assuring responses to your child’s questions. Apply the principles of reflective listening. This way, you could have a clear and actual grasp of what it is your child is trying to tell you. Reflect on his words and the manner by which he talks. Understanding your child entails setting a good pattern of open communication between you both.
One sensitive issue parents contend with is their child’s temperament. Understanding children’s inborn traits is a key to better parenting and happier children, especially in the development years.
Before my daughter was born, I imagined her to be a specific type of a good-natured child. As she grew up, I realized my always viewing her as good-natured was a pre-conceived idea I had. Her childhood moods meandered through creative, sensitive, emotional, and even defiant in the early teen years. And she was good natured about most events in her life.
Understanding her temperament enabled me not to blame my self for her situations. Instead, I learned strategies to deal with difficult circumstances or conditions. One point of discipline I followed was to diffuse challenging situation so as not to escalate into major conflicts that might cause harm.
Temperament information helps you see how your child learns, responds, reacts, and behaves. Through the earlier years of development, you see reactions begin to form into a pattern of values, needs, and fears:
+++++ One child needs closeness, touch, and assurance from parents.Thus, he values following his parents, climbing in their laps and being cuddled or held.
His fear of not having the needs met, or when his needs are not met, he feels, hurt, lost, or angry.
+++++ Another youngster values being by herself–independence.
She plays with her dolls and likes doing so by herself.
Her need to learn through trial an error means that she pushes parents away sometimes with the familiar, “I can do it.”
+++++ Children, who readily and quickly shift, show adaptive temperaments. They learn more by doing and practicing.
+++++ Children, who have slower-to-warm temperaments, learn by watching and rehearsing internally.
+++++ Children’s challenging temperaments cause us to regroup:
- Ask what is the child going through?
- Is this a temperament trait or learned behavior that needs to change?
- Are the child’s needs being met?
- Are fears causing issues?
- Has the child’s value been diminished in any way?
This child views the world through optimistic eyes, adapts quickly and maintains positivity well. He is a natural learner, eats and sleeps regularly (has no trouble sleeping), is pleasant and cheerful, and displays a low-intensity mood.
Because this child feels deeply in certain situations, he has few significant emotional outbursts. This type comprises about 40% of all people.
The Feisty/Difficult/Spirited group of children comprises about 10% of the population. This grouping is the opposite of the flexible children. Feisty children are slow to adapt to the routines: napping, eating, homework, quiet time. Moreover, bowel movements are not regular. The spirited child has preferences for parents to discover and manage. On the hand, the child shows his mastery for specific tasks.
The feisty child has tantrums, is fussy, and can be unpleasant in disagreements. With high energy, this child explores with intensity and can get into mischief, On the other hand, he or she is bursting with energy and explores the surrounding and people intensely.
The third general temperament type is aptly called Slow-To-Warm, and 15% of the population belongs to this category. Slow to warm types are shy or highly-sensitive persons (which they sometimes are. They watch their world and usually observe on the outside of things before joining. Their internal clock is disrupted easily and shows up in irregular sleeping, feeding and other personal habits. This child seems to be always enjoying things or doing them at his own sweet pace.
The rest of the 35% of the population are combinations of several temperaments. They exhibit traits of all three temperament types and cannot be categorized into a single trait pattern. The feature they share is that they have characteristics of all three temperaments.
In all these temperament types, you will also find yours. Understanding children and their temperaments include understanding your own. Doing so will open your eyes to the many areas where you can connect to that of your children, or whether you are compatible with each other or not.
Parenting the whole child implies that we honor our children’s wholeness while we dissect and discuss the parts of the whole—physical body, mind, emotions and spirit. It may indeed be paradoxical, but it’s our way of understanding how the parts contribute to the whole and our job if we work with parents, families, and children.
We consider our children’s wholeness when we:
- Bear in mind the emotional and mental factors that contribute to strep throat.
- Look to a biochemical problem associated with a child’s temper
- Consider the negative self-talk and thoughts that can float around in the head of a depressed teen.
- Regard childhood patterns from a holistic perspective. These can include a child who falls down all the time, one who has allergies, one who is shy and sensitive, one who doesn’t want to be touched, and so on. We want to help, but do we help their biochemistry, their behavior or their spirit?
- Think about how children spend their time, and if their activities are balanced between stimulation and quiet.
Bundles of Energy
The foundation of whole-child parenting is understanding that our children are bundles of energy in the form of thoughts, physical activity, emotional expression and spirit. Rather than thinking about managing our children, think about managing their energy.
The energy of the body needs food, touch, air and water. The energy of the emotions needs positive input like optimism, smiles and support. The energy of thought needs inspiration and imagination, or it gets bored. The energy of the spirit needs connection, faith, compassion and quiet. It needs calm moments of awareness.
Most of us know these things and have our own intuitive ways of mothering and fathering our children. In fact, the joy of parenting the whole child is discovering how much you already know and do. The ease of whole-child parenting is that when one avenue doesn’t work, there is always another way. For example, because we know that the nature of emotional energy can be chaotic, we can find several ways to structure and channel positive emotional energy with our child. We might follow schedules, share meals, read books or see a heart-warming movie.
A Soul Living in a Child’s Body
Thinking of a child as an “energy bundle” helps us take our parenting less personally when a child screams, “I hate you.” What we want to take to heart is that this soul is living with us in a child’s body. We are responsible for helping this child to develop in the best, most fulfilling way possible.
Parenting is really about educating the mind and body so our children are happy, successful and healthy in body and soul. Working with the mind-body connection is the foundation for parenting the whole child.
If you read this post till the end, you probably are kind of person who wants to help folks live to their maximum potential. Your hunger for having an influence on people forced you to read this article and much more that you already read. It’s just the right time to take a step further and become a certified parent coach and give your purpose a meaning. Have a look at our coaching certification and decide which one suits your talents best..
See also Coaching Whole-Parent and Whole Child 1 and Coaching Whole-Parent and Whole Child 2
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what the heck is follow up
What the Heck is Follow Up?
What’s the most important part of your business? Is it reputation? Well, the reputation your business has on the street, among prior customers and your competitors has great effect on your future business prospects. How people think and talk about you and your business can have a great effect on a future decision to purchase your products or services. So yes, the reputation your business has in the community is very important. What about sales? Are sales important to your business? Of course they are. Sales are the lifeblood of any business. It doesn’t matter whether that business produces a product, offers a service or both. Without sales, there are no profits and without profits there is no business. Every business must generate enough sales to offset expenses and costs and leave enough left over as a sufficient profit margin. If this doesn’t happen continues sales won’t matter because the business will no longer exist. So yes, the amount of sales a business generates is also very important. How about customer satisfaction? Is customer satisfaction important to your business? Again, that’s a no-brainer. Of course customer satisfaction is important to your business. Your current and former customers are your number one way to get recommendations that can lead to new customers and sales. They are also an excellent way to get repeat business from your existing customers. All these extra sales mean additional profits for your business. So yes, customer satisfaction is important to your business. So, as a business owner, how do you tie all of these critical factors together? The answer is follow up. What is follow up? Well, follow is the process where you, well, follow up. Look, the communications that you receive are the lifeblood of your business. If you deal with these communications in a timely manner then you are also positively dealing with issues that can affect your bottom line. As a business owner, people want to hear from you. After all, by opening up a business you intentionally made yourself a target of attention. Don’t shy away from this natural attention. That attention is what is going to make you money. So, how does curiosity and attention make you money when you’re running a business? Well, there’s no such thing as bad publicity. Whatever it takes to get your business’ name out there is worth the effort. One of the best ways of focusing attention on your business is through a well thought out follow up campaign. When people are interested in your business because you’ve taken the steps to engage them, then the end result is profit. Take the time to tell your audience an engaging story and you’ll reap the positive benefits in the future.
Following Up With an Angry Client or Customer
“The customer is always right.” How does that statement make you feel? Do you believe it to be true for your business? What if that customer is berating you or your staff unnecessarily? There is a fine line, and if the customer chooses to cross that line, it may be a customer you could do better without. Alternatively, sometimes a simple response letting the angry customer know that you hear them and you understand is all it takes to take the fire out of their mood, and get to the bottom of their frustration. We live in a world where customer service is generally severely lacking. As consumers, we’ve gotten so used to bad customer service that we experience a kind of blindness when faced with it. It’s simply expected, so doing the opposite – being a caring and concerned business-owner – will turn heads in your favor! Still, you will get that occasional client or customer that is experiencing anger or frustration and directs that towards you and your business, and following up with this particular client is especially important. The best way to get to the bottom of a problem is to address it directly, without procrastination or assuming guilt. Follow up with the angry party, let them know that, as the businesses owner, you are concerned about their issue and that you’d like to address it immediately. Usually, just the act of feeling listened to will quell the frustration, and you’ll much more easily be able to decipher the real issues. And keep in mind that angry customers are an excellent opportunity to really shine where your businesses customer service is concerned. We, as consumers, will always remember and recommend the business that addressed our issues quickly, fairly, and with a positive outcome. Having said that, there are times when a customer or client should be “fired”. Some people are simply not in the right headspace to be good clients, and a client that sucks all of your mental energy doesn’t do your business (or you, as the owner) any good at all. Weigh the time, energy and resources you put into following up with and satisfying a high-maintenance customer against the relief of simply letting that customer go, and you may find that letting the customer go is better for your business, and for you personally, in the long run. Simply because you are a business owner doesn’t mean that your customer must have all control. Institute balance in your follow up responses, and your businesses will run more smoothly, and you’ll be a happier owner.