Your child becomes a teenager and parenting can suddenly turn into a frustrating experience. You are understanding your child from a different viewpoint in the circle of life. You could observe:
- That the harmony is gone in your relationship.
- You find yourself in disagreement with your child.
- You feel the so-called generation gap grew.
Yes, your child is changing, but the basic temperament is still there. Understanding your teen is still the key to having a harmonious relationship. These ten tips for understanding your teen and dealing with the new brain wiring will help you stay centered as a heartwise® parent.
While you used to pal around with your child when he or she was younger, you now have to set boundaries between your role as a parent or a friend.
1.Help stabilize the changes.
At this stage, you are primarily the circumspect parent who will listen, negotiate boundaries and behaviors, and stand steadfast in your expectations. Doing so helps stabilize all the changes the adolescent experiences. Friends can be found, but good parenting is a rare commodity these days.
2. Become Involved
Understanding your child as a teen means becoming involved while your schedule and life remain just as busy. Being involved is finding the time to be with them. Being involved means knowing where they are at all times and establishing communication protocols.
Even more important are the conversations about life your teen appreciates. These conversations open opportunities to understanding your child, as their thoughts and feelings change each day, disappear, and flare again: Listen to the what your child tells you about their life events. You will glean their thoughts and feelings so that they will be at ease coming to you if they are in trouble.
3. Train Teens in Accountability Skills
You as the parent, are responsible for preparing your child for adult life for as long as they live under your roof.
If they want something, exert the effort to achieve it or get it.
Being responsible for communication, earned expenses, and tasks is now their domain.
Money is not the important asset. Rather, qualities about handling money are what matters.
As a parent, you can help here by providing their allowance for completed jobs, but they must do their part. You are training them to survive in a competitive world.
4. Listen To Them
The teen years are crucial years for understanding your child. Teens expect you to hear them and decipher what they need or want. You may feel like judgments arise surrounding teen activities, finances, and studies. Don't worry because 99% of the job is listening to them and understanding what they want.
5. Explain Your Viewpoint
By letting teens know the reasons for any decisions you make, you empower them to make their choices. Offering them a reason, even if it considered lame by your teen, helps them review their personal choices. For example
Concern for their safety is why you establish a mutually agreed on curfew.
Your need to know where they are if they leave one place for a new destination requires a phone call to know they are safe and capable of holding their own among peers.
6. Tune In
Understanding your child occurs when you are
listening to their kind of music
keeping tabs on what activities they are involved in
Knowing the names of their friends
7. Be Flexible
Setting agreed-upon rules with your teen is always healthy. However, exceptions to rules always occur. Whether you are flexible enough to bend the rules requires discussion with your teen. Lay the groundwork for those instances when rules can be adjusted.
8. Share Your Interest With Your Child
Sharing interests with your child means you better understand them You learn together and share your experiences. You need to stay connected with your child through those teen arguments.
9. Keep Talking Even If Your Teen Is Not Listening
Teenagers do listen to their parents. While they may argue with you, your advice is well-entrenched in their minds. After all, you did raise them. Although they pretend passivity with what you say, the truth is that your advice has influence.
Can you see the one attribute critical for personal and professional success? What makes coaches so credible with clients and successful in business? Charisma, experience, and expertise are at the top of the list.
It's true. In every action your take in business or life, your mindset is the determining factor which influences your success. Your coaching mindset and plans require the same foundation, a fresh viewpoint about people, money, and solutions.
Here are examples of how a stressed or unconscious mindset could influence your decisions.
1. You think that helping everybody would be great for business. The solution would be to define your audience by temperament, income level, and initial problems you could solve. By defining a narrow path for your ideal client, you earn more and have more.
2. You set a sliding scale in good-hearted effort to turn away no one that you could help. While deserving and lovely, these clients are less than your ideal when it comes to their ability to pay. Can you meet your budget with a lower-end scale? Yes, possibly with a group program or class. Then, would this client enter into private coaching? Did they value your work and you?
Before you can realize your dreams of four-or-five-figure clients, you have internal work to upgrade. Perhaps these changes in the coaching mindset help you be open minded, focused, compassionate, playful or personal?
If you are a caring, heart-oriented supporter, your coaching strengths are:
- Being able to re-frame other's doubts,
Listening to one's story,
Modeling the best conversation for the positive parenting with your client's kids.
If you are a charismatic influencer, you inspire those who admire you because
- Your nature is gregarious
You enjoy people, and they appreciate your friendliness
You are an excellent example of creativity in action and brainstorming.
If you are an achiever-type coach, your coaching could challenge others
- To tackle the project they've ignored
To commit to the exercise routine they need
To manage finances better
To plan the product launch sooner than later
If you are the kind of coach who strategizes, your primary strength is solving people's problems This makes you an excellent consultant. In coaching, you can ask the right questions to help a client strategize:
- What is the result you want?
What is the first step you would take to get there?
Can you outline the process?
What resources will you need?
In coaching, you are often the cheerleader for your clients, and gratitude will be a quality that you want your clients to have.
In coaching, you expend energy being with your client. If you find yourself complaining or fatigued, what will you do to better care for you?
Growing Your Coaching Mindset Confidence
Here's something else top-end coaches have in common: confidence. They believe in what they do. They believe in their ability to help others achieve the same thing. They walk on stage or join a webinar filled with the knowledge that what they are about to say will change the lives of those who are listening. That is confidence!!
When you feel confident, you radiate confidence.
Just like how the person you're talking to on the phone can hear a smile in your voice, your potential clients can sense your mindset. If your mindset is not up to par with those you admire and mimic, you'll struggle to make the sale. Work on your attitude and confidence levels, and watch your income soar.
Many parents have told ACPI family coaches that understanding how their core temperaments clashed with their child's developing traits was a profound experience.
My Role Is...
The certified family coach or consultant is an upbeat example and influence in assisting families today. Coaching Families could include defining their values, creating a family crest, making communication maps, or establishing family meetings. Coaching families could include systematizing the routines that help family member enjoy each other more.
The coaches define:
- The roles they wish to offer families,
- How to design the family-coach agreement,
- Their personal brand, strengths, and their coaching tools,
- Discuss their ideas of how coaching with families looks and works
The skills for coaching families received through ACPI training include:
- Knowing personal core values
- Knowing core temperaments traits
- Demonstrating how you recognize core temperament patterns in your life.
- Demonstrating why this is a foundation for your coaching skills
- Demonstrating why this knowledge is beneficial in working with a family member or members, and how it empowers your ability to coach people.
- Determine family needs – time management? Financial planning? De-stress times? Prioritize values and family decisions.
- Coaching through discipline issues
"Teenagers are known for their angst and moodiness. You really can’t blame them with all that’s going on in their lives from physical changes and peer pressure to academic expectations and the formation of relationships." Tyler Jacobison (Twitter | Linkedin
Feeling moody and grouchy once in a while is normal. Trouble begins when these feelings become more intense, persisting for weeks, months or even longer. Teen depression is an uncomfortable reality in our society and it’s up to parents to support and help their affected teens.
Situational vs. Clinical Depression
You can help your child by first identifying the difference between situational and clinical depression, their causes and treatment methods.
Situational depression (also known as adjustment disorder) occurs in the aftermath of monumental or traumatic changes in an individual’s life. In teens, situational depression can be triggered by parents’ divorce, a breakup from a romantic relationship, death of a loved one, academic struggles or even moving to a new area. Keep in mind that situational depression is temporary and things should go back to normal once the stressors are removed or your teen learns to cope with them.
In the meantime though, their symptoms are very real and are similar to those of chronic depression. They include:
- Persistent feelings of sadness, anxiety, worthlessness or hopelessness.
- Changes in sleeping patterns –either difficulties in falling asleep or oversleeping.
- Changes in eating patterns, loss of appetite and weight changes.
- Loss of interest in hobbies, studies and life in general.
- Persistent lethargy and fatigue.
- Difficulties concentrating, making decisions or remembering tasks.
- Self-harming or suicide attempts.
Clinical depression, on the other hand, is more severe and is thought to be caused by a complex mix of brain chemical imbalances, genetic factors and social situations. It causes major long-term depressive symptoms that are pervasive enough to interfere with your teen’s daily life.
Different Treatment Approaches
The treatment your teen requires depends on the type of depression they have.
Managing Situational Depression
● Urge your teen to continue pursuing their hobbies and other leisure activities.
● Also, encourage them to eat a nutritionally well-balanced diet and get regular exercise to stimulate the production of dopamine to boost their mood.
● Joining a support group or talking out the situation with close friends and relatives can also help.
● If all else fails, seek the help of a trained psychotherapist.
Managing Clinical Depression
● Psychotherapy is a crucial part of helping your teen deal with clinical depression. Get feedback on their progress to ensure that the therapist you engage is the right fit.
● Appropriate medication in tandem with therapy will provide the best outcome for your teen. The medication might be for short or long-term use depending on the diagnosis.
● Hospitalization in a psychiatric facility might also be necessary especially if your teen is self-harming, suicidal or showing signs of delusion or psychosis.
With proper coaching, parents can learn responsive parenting skills that will help them discern behavioral issues that may predispose their teens to depression as well as learn how to assist their children to get over rough patches in their lives.
GUEST AUTHOR: Tyler Jacobson is a proud father, husband, writer and outreach specialist with experience helping parents and organizations that help troubled teen boys. Tyler has focused on helping through honest advice and humor on: modern day parenting, struggles in school, the impact of social media, addiction, mental disorders, and issues facing teenagers now. Follow Tyler on: Twitter | LinkedIn