Behavioral Regulation-2-Administer Small Doses of Fun

by | Mar 15, 2017 | Understanding Your Child

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Administering fun in small daily doses will be the first challenge for coach and parents alike. After all, what parent thinks about fun when their personal energies are sucked into

  • A perpetual whirlwind of
  • Frequent phone calls from teachers about a child’s behaviors, and
  • Unending fears or concerns for the welfare and future of a child?

 

[ctt template=”5″ link=”CIh11″ via=”yes” ]This is precisely why activities must be re-introduced in small manageable doses, so as not to cause further overwhelm. @parent_coach[/ctt]

You can be certain that the stress the parent experiences and has experienced, has robbed them of their ability to be creative. Their tolerance levels are stuck in a stress state of inflexibility.

Coaching How To Stretch and have Fun

When, in the course of the coaching relationship, it is time to stretch a client to consider initiating a fun activity with child or family, don’t make them think about it too much. Simplicity makes for an easier transition. Trust me, having to think about it will hurt. The brain under extreme or long-term stress suffers mind-blowing effects, literally!

Stress prevents the frontal cortex in the brain from processing and accessing stored or new information. When you ask, “What can you do to bring more connective fun into your daily lives?” and your client responds with,

  • “I just can’t think!” ,
  • “I’m so confused, I can’t sort it all out!” 
  • “I wouldn’t know where to begin.”

These statements reveal that the frontal cortex is overloaded, and is not immediately capable of making a clear decision. Thus, It makes sense that your client will have a hard time thinking of part or all of a creative plan for fun in the family. Additionally, it may be a case where they just don’t feel like doing it.

When parents are stressed and exhausted, it is difficult for them to ascertain where they will access all this new positive energy you are about to require of them. Coaches make considerations as to the neurophysiology of the parent, as well as the child. Therefore, parents must begin with the simplest of activities. Recall the analogy of the overfilled glass of water or the bucket ready to tip. Use these analogies to help your clients visualize or physically demonstrate where personal stress levels are for them and their child.

Focus on Being Goal Oriented

We are helping the parent to be goal oriented. We want parent’s to experience success and see the measure of their labors. We are not just filling them up with busy time activities because there is a purpose to every action they undertake. With this in mind we:

  • Begin by helping the parent to identify the end goal of the activity.
  • Ask the parent to articulate what they want.
    • They can write it down and then read it back to you. This way mind, heart, and body are fully engaged in the process.
  • What do they want to get? What will they give? What does the outcome look like, as in these four examples:
    • I want this activity to bring our family closer together.
    • I want this activity to help me feel better about my ability to parent in this difficult situation.
    • I want this activity to let my child know how much I love them.
    • This activity will help us communicate better and show that we can still have fun together.

Setting an end goal and keeping it in sight helps the parent to resist giving up when the first few attempts do not go well.

(The prior statement is a huge clue to each of you, that this is a process. Families will experience a learning curve depending upon the amount of conflict or stress in their environment, and with their child.)

  • Discuss a minimum period for a parent to engage actively with child or family. 15- 20 minutes is appropriate.

This recommendation is tailored to the family situation, and may have to be adjusted to meet the parent or child’s needs. For instance, 10 minutes of interaction is a lot for some parents or children, while 30 minutes is a great fit for other families to begin with. A joint determination of the period of time is made by parent and coach depending on the parent/child’s level of stress, and the ability to tolerate new interactions. Keep in mind, that additions to or changes in routines, and conditioned negative expectations of interactions between family members are all transitions, which upset the balance as the child or family knows it now.

Consistency and accountability affords greater success for parents.

See also: Behavioral Regulation 1 and Behavioral Regulation 3

 

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Relationship Coaching Tool – High Impact Questions – Free Download

by | Sep 23, 2013 | You are an Entrepreneur

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 Opening the space for a client to stop, reflect, and then respond can unveil bonus information—new possibilities may appear. It’s a good thing.

 Michaleen (Micki) Lewis, MS, PCC, CPLP

 What Does High Impact Mean?

Relationship coaching offers insights into broader issues. Clients see with new eyes where they were stuck or how they created a problematic situation.  To dive deeper requires questions that have a high impact…and elicit the ah-ha that the client needs to know.

According to New Oxford‘s Dictionary, high impact means…

–impressive, bold, compelling, effective; punchy; forceful, powerful, high-powered, potent, hard-hitting; intensive, energetic, dynamic

High impact questions make a person think more deeply about an issue.

Closed-ended questions result in a yes or no and often don’t get any deeper than that.

Open-ended questions can solve problems, and they may also generate a list of options or ideas.

High impact questions get the client out of a set way of thinking. When a relationship coach uses a high impact questions, it focuses the client in the present, the here and now.  You present problems to a client with an urgency that leads them to take action.

The Elements of a High Impact Question

The elements that lend impact to a question are:

  • It’s direct and straightforward, dealing in reality instead of speculation
  • It encourages creative thinking and thinking at a deeper level
  • It promotes self-reflection

High impact questions move a client closer to attaining a goal or solving a problem. Your client gets things done by dealing not in ‘why,’ but in ‘what’ and ‘how.’

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Which One Do You Choose?

You can take any question and turn it into a high impact question by wording it differently.  Imagine, for example, if you’d like to ask your client, ‘What tasks would you like to outsource in your business?’ An alternative high impact question that asks essentially the same thing would be, ‘If you could pick just one task to outsource in your business today, what would it be?’

In the original question, you’re asking something in the realm of imagination and ideas. The ‘would like’ of the question places it in the abstract. What you’re doing with the second question is asking them to make a clear decision – which one would they outsource? You also put a time marker on it by asking them which they’d choose today. It becomes more urgent and real, and the answer leads directly to an action step – outsourcing that task. Such a priority question is used for to get valid answers. The right wording forces a person to choose one top priority, and that’s the first step of taking action when you have many options.

Picture Yourself…

Here’s another example. Instead of asking your client, ‘What would you like to be doing in ten years?’ ask them instead, ‘Imagine that it’s ten years from now. What do your life and business look like on a day to day basis?’  Even though we’re using our imagination and picturing the future, you make it more real and immediate by saying ‘what does it look like,’ as if you were living it right now. This is more likely to produce answers that are clear and specific. Instead of saying, ‘I’d be happy and successful,’ they may say something like, ‘I don’t spend any time creating my own content because I have a writer who does that.’ They’ve just defined a goal – finding and hiring a good writer for their content creation.

Part 2 – Listening

Turning regular questions into high impact questions that elicit clear actionable answers is only the first step. As a coach, you also need to listen to their response carefully and use it to guide them toward action steps.  The whole point of high impact questions is to get them into the zone of thinking more deeply about their problems and challenges.

Here is a free coaching tool which provides a relationship coach and client worksheet as well as a list of high impact questions to give you examples of focusing your client’s breakthrough.

High Impact Questions

 

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