How to Understand Children through Temperaments Traits

One sensitive issue parents contend with is their child's temperament. Understanding children's inborn traits is a key to better parenting and happier children, especially in the development years.

Before my daughter was born, I imagined her to be a specific type of a good-natured child. As she grew up, I realized my always viewing her as good-natured was a pre-conceived idea I had. Her childhood moods meandered through creative, sensitive, emotional, and even defiant in the early teen years. And she was good natured about most events in her life.

Understanding her temperament enabled me not to blame my self for her situations. Instead, I learned strategies to deal with difficult circumstances or conditions. One point of discipline I followed was to diffuse challenging situation so as not to escalate into major conflicts that might cause harm.

Temperament information helps you see how your child learns, responds, reacts, and behaves. Through the earlier years of development, you see reactions begin to form into a pattern of values, needs, and fears:

+++++ One child needs closeness, touch, and assurance from parents.Thus, he values following his parents, climbing in their laps and being cuddled or held.
His fear of not having the needs met, or when his needs are not met, he feels, hurt, lost, or angry.

+++++ Another youngster values being by herself--independence.
She plays with her dolls and likes doing so by herself.
Her need to learn through trial an error means that she pushes parents away sometimes with the familiar, "I can do it."

+++++ Children, who readily and quickly shift, show adaptive temperaments. They learn more by doing and practicing.

+++++ Children, who have slower-to-warm temperaments, learn by watching and rehearsing internally.

+++++ Children's challenging temperaments cause us to regroup:

  1. Ask what is the child going through?
  2. Is this a temperament trait or learned behavior that needs to change?
  3. Are the child's needs being met?
  4. Are fears causing issues?
  5. Has the child's value been diminished in any way?

Easy/Flexible Temperament

This child views the world through optimistic eyes, adapts quickly and maintains positivity well. He is a natural learner, eats and sleeps regularly (has no trouble sleeping), is pleasant and cheerful, and displays a low-intensity mood.

Because this child feels deeply in certain situations, he has few significant emotional outbursts. This type comprises about 40% of all people.

Feisty/Difficult/Spirited

The Feisty/Difficult/Spirited group of children comprises about 10% of the population. This grouping is the opposite of the flexible children. Feisty children are slow to adapt to the routines: napping, eating, homework, quiet time. Moreover, bowel movements are not regular. The spirited child has preferences for parents to discover and manage. On the hand, the child shows his mastery for specific tasks.

The feisty child has tantrums, is fussy, and can be unpleasant in disagreements. With high energy, this child explores with intensity and can get into mischief, On the other hand, he or she is bursting with energy and explores the surrounding and people intensely.

Slow-To-Warm Types

The third general temperament type is aptly called Slow-To-Warm, and 15% of the population belongs to this category. Slow to warm types are shy or highly-sensitive persons (which they sometimes are. They watch their world and usually observe on the outside of things before joining. Their internal clock is disrupted easily and shows up in irregular sleeping, feeding and other personal habits. This child seems to be always enjoying things or doing them at his own sweet pace.

The rest of the 35% of the population are combinations of several temperaments. They exhibit traits of all three temperament types and cannot be categorized into a single trait pattern. The feature they share is that they have characteristics of all three temperaments.

In all these temperament types, you will also find yours. Understanding children and their temperaments include understanding your own. Doing so will open your eyes to the many areas where you can connect to that of your children, or whether you are compatible with each other or not.

Certified Consultant vs. Certified Coach

NEW: Why does ACPI now offer Certified Professional Consultant Training after a dozen years of providing only Professional Coach Certifications? 

The answer is to specify and encourage skills for the specific temperament types and blends of people dedicated to serving and helping others. The roles that each temperament type might look very different. 

For example, what each temperament type might offer is not so black and white, as much as, it depends on the preferences of the blended temperaments and motivation. For example, 

  • Thinkers have advice to give and problem-solving skills to offer in an organized fashion. 
  • Supporters often share emotional support and offer hands-on practical advice.
  • Creative Influencers remind us of the motivation to create and the allowance to unfold and manifest those innovations. 

The coaching model for self-growth maximizes a person’s performance by unlocking one’s potential through a series of questions, choices, and determining how results rate.

Rather than teaching, coaching is akin to guiding, checking in with questions and reviewing progress toward goals or outcomes on a set schedule. The coach has graduated from a course or training that signifies expertise in the coaching model. 

Consulting, on the other hand, involves giving advice. Also, the one giving advice is an astute expert in a particular field. A Professional Parenting Consultant, for example, demonstrates knowledge and solutions for advising in a specific area: for example; sleep, tantrums, school performance, adolescents, or babies.  

Getting babies to sleep, 
Managing a toddler’s tantrums
Helping a five-year-old learn to focus and complete a task. 
Helping a school-age child learn discipline through study skills, play skills, or focusing skills. 

A Certified Professional Parenting Coach might ask more questions about the situation: 

What is the bedtime routine?
What instructions, if any, does the parent give the child? 
How strictly is the child monitored, depending on the child’s age?
What schedule has the parent set for the child? 
What resistance or behavior does the child exhibit?
What role is more comfortable for you? 

The bottom line about training in coaching or consulting is best determined by idetifying your temperament and motivation

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The Profession of Coaching Parents

A Certified Parenting Coach is a trained professional who works with parents to solve problems, clarify goals, or find solutions to issues relating to parenting and family.

Parenting has never been easy. Among the children, their schooling, your spouse and other engagements, parenting could get complicated or overwhelming. The good news is you can make the best of parenting with the right assistance from a professional parenting coach.

A Certified Parenting Coach has completed professional training in the dynamics of coaching parents through coaching techniques, listening, as well as how to approach problem solving and structuring new situations for success.  A parenting coach is not a therapist. He/she is a trained and experienced professional who uses strategy to assist parents in raising their children and maintaining balance in the family.

The bold difference between a parenting coach and a therapist is the status of parents or clients involved. Parents make a conscious and informed decision to receive assistance from a parenting coach. The aim is not to heal any broken spirits of the past, but to work together to develop more suitable parenting style, responses to daily dealings or solve problems in behavior, communication, or issues that arise.

How Does It Work?

The essence of coaching parents is to offer working solutions to families or parents experiencing some frustration. As children mature and become involved in different social circles, most parents experience frustrating times when the old rules or skills no longer work.

Most parenting problems include variations on these themes:

 Parents with a short temper
 Children who are disrespectful
 Children who are stubborn or defiant
 Homework struggles
 Bedtime struggles
 Sibling rivalry
 Lack of responsibility
 Lack of discipline
 Dealing with a divorce, separation or loss of a loved one
 Low esteem
 Whining or throwing tantrums, and so on

The challenges one could encounter as a parent are endless and sometimes take different forms as children grow up.

A parenting coach is a fast and effective way to manage and eliminate these issues. It all begins when you contact a certified parenting coach. Meetings or consultation can take place either through a detailed phone call conversation or a visit to your home to assess the situation.

During this time a parenting coach does two things for a parent in distress:

1. Listens effectively
The solution to every problem begins when shared. Being able to share your challenges with a kind and compassionate listener is the first step to getting rid of the problem. At this time the parent will feel relieved and supported.

2. Offer personalized solutions
After receiving a full brief of the issue, the parenting coach will be able to identify the problem and brainstorm possible solutions and strategies. This process also involves a series of steps.

First, the parenting coach will ask all necessary questions and provide insight into causes, effects and characteristics of the issue.

The next step can be to equip you with new information that will give you a deeper understanding and view a different perspective on the problem. Now, the once confused parents can begin to see new possibilities and solutions.

Finally, both parent and parenting coach collaborate to come up with ideas and strategies that are peculiar to your family and parenting issue.

Typical parent coaching methodology pays particular attention to helping parents regain confidence and authority in their parenting skills.
Within a few weeks of implementing new strategies and suggestions from your parenting coach, you will see some positive results.

In the end, parents become better equipped to perform their role, while children become accountable and responsible for their actions and life choices.

Benefits of a parenting coach

 It is an effective way to seek assistance and discuss your parenting problems within a professional framework that eliminates the stigma of psychotherapy.
 It is the best option for working or busy parents
 It is an opportunity to broaden your knowledge of parenting.
 It is an excellent career choice.

Why Does It Work?

Parent coaching is useful because its approach is constructive and personalized.

Remember that parent coaching is a team effort. A parent must be open to discussing the full length of the issue and trying new ideas.

Who Needs a Parenting Coach?

Some think that perhaps this option of a parenting coach is for parents who are failing in their role, and this is untrue.

Parent coaching is a choice made my parents, who know how vital their roles are in the lives of their children. It is for parents who are bold enough to seek help when they meet a roadblock in parenting.

It is for those who desire a focused and strategic means to solve various problems that parents often encounter with their child.

Who Can Be a Parenting Coach?

The thing about parenting is that it belongs to everyone. Professionals who feel called to serve parents and families respond to their calling. Parenting coaches share certain traits like enjoying working with children, youth and parents, crafting conversations, finding answers,  and discussing discipline solutions

Also, if you are a parent or a child care provider, you can equally learn how to be more effective in your role.I have always believed in the full benefits of the profession of a parenting coach. The process of learning, practicing or consulting with a parenting coach presents equal opportunities for each of us to gain something profound easily.

 

Coaching Families

Many parents have told ACPI family coaches that understanding how their core temperaments clashed with their child's developing traits was a profound experience.

My Role Is...

The certified family coach or consultant is an upbeat example and influence in assisting families today. Coaching Families could include defining their values, creating a family crest, making communication maps, or establishing family meetings. Coaching families could include systematizing the routines that help family member enjoy each other more.

The coaches define:

  1. The roles they wish to offer families,
  2. How to design the family-coach agreement,
  3. Their personal brand, strengths, and their coaching tools,
  4. Discuss their ideas of how coaching with families looks and works

Coaching Skills

The skills for coaching families received through ACPI training include:

  • Knowing personal core values
  • Knowing core temperaments traits
  • Demonstrating how you recognize core temperament patterns in your life.
  • Demonstrating why this is a foundation for your coaching skills
  • Demonstrating why this knowledge is beneficial in working with a family member or members, and how it empowers your ability to coach people.
  • Determine family needs – time management? Financial planning? De-stress times? Prioritize values and family decisions.
  • Coaching through discipline issues

Certified Family Coach Information

What Is Parent Coaching?

   "I'll tell you about Parent Coaching. You have to have a plan and it has to be a plan that works.  You should not settle for the mediocre in life.  Coaching helps you set goals.  I collaborate with my clients.  I am on their side.  As a coach, I help and strategize with my clients so they can achieve their goals.  Coaching is about personal evolution, vision, what’s next, what’s now, and moving forward. It’s about having standards, not settling for the mediocre in life, but looking and feeling your best.  ~ Annemarie Brown~

Parent Coaching

Parent Coaching focuses on listening, empathizing, asking questions and sharing the love. Imagine how relieved frustrated parents will be to have someone listen and clarify the problem they feel.
The feeling is very personal, very individual. Some parents want to "teach" their children. Other want to "discipline" their children. These words become confusing and don't realize...
How empowered they are or how powerful they appear to their children.
People can turn their problems around.  They can be whatever they want.  They can have whatever they want. Coaching is about that process.  You help them, and it is an incredible job.
Coaches review a client’s strengths and focus on them. The medical/psychological establishment focuses on problems and pathology.
We look at wellness and not what is broken.  If a coach finds an actual pathology, the coach refers that person to a psychologist or other appropriate specialist.  Troubled persons with long-standing problems may not think rationally, and that is why coaches refer them to appropriate professionals for their healing. 
In coaching, the model is that the client is whole and wants to achieve goals. The parent is open to advice, and discussion, and looking to the future, not the past.
The clients who employ coaches are healthy and happy people who want to improve their lives. They want to go from good parents to better parents.
Are you ready to help families going through a difficult time?
Or help people be competent and make parents happy?
Then enroll in the parent-family coaching program and receive two certificates for coaching parents and for coaching families.