Good communication is a key to understanding your child better. Togther, parenting coaches and parents review the steps to maintaining a harmonious relationship that keeps the parent-child relationship healthier and flourishing.
Firstly, be genuinely familiar with your child’s language especially during times of conflicts and confrontations. Familiarize yourself with your child’s words, the tone of voice, and emotional responsivity. Does the chid’s speech tone suggest a specific emotion like anxiety, shyness, fear, or the need to dominate or be shy? Secondly, learn how to accept the full range of your child’s emotionality.
- How do you take the chid’s overall behavior?
- Can you receive the emotions and feelings of your child?
- As you succeed in understanding his feelings, you are better able to guide him to express his unpleasant and unlikely feelings appropriately.
- Encourage a child’s real feelings in conversation. Suppression of emotions and feelings are not healthy.
Understanding a child
Thirdly, I have observed that not each parent shows a speaking child the courtesy of attention. Interrupting, bombarding the child with questions, or flinging anger and accusation signals that the child maintains her distance. Explain and make him realize that interrupting any speaker is considered rude by some adults.. This is also a way of instilling him some part of good values. Fourthly, always be approachable. As much as possible, help your child know that she can approach you and not to hesitate to discuss any problem or requests. If the child realizes that open communication between him and you is always possible, imagine how much respect your child has for you! Fifthly, ask questions so you gather further information, but not in an interrogating manner. Try to ask questions that solicit honest and direct answers from your child. How do you act and speak to your child, so that she feels confident with you. Lastly, provide useful, helpful and assuring responses to your child’s questions. Apply the principles of reflective listening. This way, you could have a clear and actual grasp of what it is your child is trying to tell you. Reflect on his words and the manner by which he talks. Understanding your child entails setting a good pattern of open communication between you both.
One sensitive issue parents contend with is their child’s temperament. Understanding children’s inborn traits is a key to better parenting and happier children, especially in the development years.
Before my daughter was born, I imagined her to be a specific type of a good-natured child. As she grew up, I realized my always viewing her as good-natured was a pre-conceived idea I had. Her childhood moods meandered through creative, sensitive, emotional, and even defiant in the early teen years. And she was good natured about most events in her life.
Understanding her temperament enabled me not to blame my self for her situations. Instead, I learned strategies to deal with difficult circumstances or conditions. One point of discipline I followed was to diffuse challenging situation so as not to escalate into major conflicts that might cause harm.
Temperament information helps you see how your child learns, responds, reacts, and behaves. Through the earlier years of development, you see reactions begin to form into a pattern of values, needs, and fears:
+++++ One child needs closeness, touch, and assurance from parents.Thus, he values following his parents, climbing in their laps and being cuddled or held.
His fear of not having the needs met, or when his needs are not met, he feels, hurt, lost, or angry.
+++++ Another youngster values being by herself–independence.
She plays with her dolls and likes doing so by herself.
Her need to learn through trial an error means that she pushes parents away sometimes with the familiar, “I can do it.”
+++++ Children, who readily and quickly shift, show adaptive temperaments. They learn more by doing and practicing.
+++++ Children, who have slower-to-warm temperaments, learn by watching and rehearsing internally.
+++++ Children’s challenging temperaments cause us to regroup:
- Ask what is the child going through?
- Is this a temperament trait or learned behavior that needs to change?
- Are the child’s needs being met?
- Are fears causing issues?
- Has the child’s value been diminished in any way?
This child views the world through optimistic eyes, adapts quickly and maintains positivity well. He is a natural learner, eats and sleeps regularly (has no trouble sleeping), is pleasant and cheerful, and displays a low-intensity mood.
Because this child feels deeply in certain situations, he has few significant emotional outbursts. This type comprises about 40% of all people.
The Feisty/Difficult/Spirited group of children comprises about 10% of the population. This grouping is the opposite of the flexible children. Feisty children are slow to adapt to the routines: napping, eating, homework, quiet time. Moreover, bowel movements are not regular. The spirited child has preferences for parents to discover and manage. On the hand, the child shows his mastery for specific tasks.
The feisty child has tantrums, is fussy, and can be unpleasant in disagreements. With high energy, this child explores with intensity and can get into mischief, On the other hand, he or she is bursting with energy and explores the surrounding and people intensely.
The third general temperament type is aptly called Slow-To-Warm, and 15% of the population belongs to this category. Slow to warm types are shy or highly-sensitive persons (which they sometimes are. They watch their world and usually observe on the outside of things before joining. Their internal clock is disrupted easily and shows up in irregular sleeping, feeding and other personal habits. This child seems to be always enjoying things or doing them at his own sweet pace.
The rest of the 35% of the population are combinations of several temperaments. They exhibit traits of all three temperament types and cannot be categorized into a single trait pattern. The feature they share is that they have characteristics of all three temperaments.
In all these temperament types, you will also find yours. Understanding children and their temperaments include understanding your own. Doing so will open your eyes to the many areas where you can connect to that of your children, or whether you are compatible with each other or not.
When you are working toward changing bad habits into more positive ones, set small goals and reward yourself for accomplishing them.
If you are trying to establish a new habit, one approach is to add the practice to a behavior that you already do each day. For example, write in your journal after you eat lunch each day. When you are online, send five messages of gratitude to others before you start your workday online.
You may be limiting yourself. By ignoring the limitations and pushing past fear, you can create newer, healthier habits that break you free of your comfort zone.
To make a change in the present, you have to move away from the past. Thoughts of the past might run through your mind when trying to sleep. Your personal growth could stall or hinder if you are continually re-living the past. Clearing the closet of skeletons can help you banish your negative thoughts and bad habits by allowing you to focus on who you are now and who you want to be in the future.
Do you know that states of mind are contagious? Any negative person in your life significantly affects you. When trying to change your habits, surround yourself with those who are of a positive mindset or successful in some area of life. Surrounding yourself with positivity can propel you to accomplishing your goals and banishing bad habits.
Willpower is a dominant force when trying to establish new habits. Use your powerful imagination to distract yourself when willpower is low. Distraction is a powerful technique when reshaping behavior.
Remember that you will fail occasionally, and failing teaches you another step to success.
- Do you have a plan for how to deal with failures when they arise?
- How does failure teach you resilience?
- How do mistakes help you try again and to experience success?
Mistakes mean you are human and learning to get back up and try again. Missteps are essential components of a successful life.
When you are trying to rid yourself of a bad habit, get rid of triggers.
Whether you are changing your diet or trying to watch less TV, eliminating the triggers that encourage you to engage in these behaviors is essential. Don’t have unhealthy food in your house. Hide your remote control. Do whatever you need to eliminate the habit from your life.
If you feel like something in miising in life, you are not alone. I felt that way until 2000 when I died in the hospital after receiving an overdose of pain medication the doctor administered.. The brief death was a sacred experience. Moreover, returning to life brought me strength and resolve to get on with “my work.”
Have you discovered your life purpose yet?
If you haven’t, don’t feel alone.
I didn’t know what my work, my calling, or my choices were around “working with parents and families.” I had already been a teacher, a counselor, a therapist, and an author with parenting books.I expected my purpose to manifest easily as if someone walked through my door and presented me with options. You are right if you guessed that it didn’t happen that way.
Don’t feel alone if you have not yet discovered your purpose. The reason is likely due to the fast pace of everyday life. When do you have time for yourself…to think about changing jobs, or even going it on your own and working from home? It can be easy to find yourself going to a job that you don’t like and feel meaningless at times.
The first step to discovering your purpose is taking some time for yourself. When you turn inward and take time to ponder, write, meditate, or review your options, you open feelings associated with passion. One technique I used was to state my intention aloud:
I want to know without reservation how I can best earn a living by loving what I do!
Living your life in a way that serves your purpose is extremely important if you wish to be happy. There are several ways you can attempt to discover the meaning of your life:
- Describe your ideal day. Project yourself several years into the future and imagine that your life is virtually perfect. How would your life look? Are you working? What type of work are you doing? What do you do all day? Who is in your life?
Now that you know what the end looks like, what can you do today to take the first step in that direction?
2. Try austerity. Go camping in a remote place. Take time to enjoy nature and sit with yourself. When you’re alone and have clear intention, sometimes the answer become apparent.
3. Volunteer. Find an organization in your community that interests you. Doing something worthwhile can be an excellent way to discover your purpose. Even if you come up short, at least you’ll have done something significant.
4. Assume you can do the impossible. When anything is possible, what would you do? Take action to bring your dreams to life.
5. Write. Perhaps the most efficient way to discover your life’s purpose is to spend an hour writing. At the top of your paper write, “My life’s purpose.” Now spend the next 60 minutes writing whatever pops into your mind.
I did this exercise and wrote from a stream of consciousness as opposed to focused topic. I learned that my purpose hasn’t changed from my twenties. I still like to teach as well as learn. I love to care about others and offer counsel. This stirs up positive feelings. Moreover, I can see myself doing it.
6, Investigate a new hobby. We all have at least one activity we’ve been putting off until a more convenient time. Doing something new exposes you to new ideas and thoughts. Now is the time to jump in and get started. You might be surprised what you discover.
7. Do something that terrifies you. Skydiving? Public speaking? You might find your life’s purpose during the process of conquering this fear.
8. Spend a day inspired. From the time you wake up until the time you go to bed, attempt to spend every moment inspired. The right books, music, and movies can help you maintain an inspired mental state.You’ll believe you can do anything. What would you do?
9. Ask yourself what you would do if you had $10 million. How would you spend your time? Can you figure out a way to make a living doing one of the activities you would be willing to do for free if you had the time?
Keep revisiting these tips until you’ve found something that really excites you. When you see your purpose, there will be no doubt. Avoid spending all of your life thinking and planning. Get busy living.
Finding your life’s purpose adds meaning to your living.