Summary of A Good Fit of Parent’s and Child’s Temperaments

 When coaches or consultants are working with parents or a family, take time with parents to establish a good fit between the parent's temperament and the child's temperament. 

What Is Creating a Good Fit?

The term "goodness of fit, or used here as the good fit, refers to parents meeting the needs of a child by parenting according to the temperament of each child. The goodness of fit between a child's temperament and your parenting temperament style is essential for healthy social and emotional development for both you and your child. Also, you want to meet your personal needs as a parent in daily living from sleeping well at night to scheduling date nights.

How To Create A Good Fit?

The Nine Traits Inventory is helpful in determining reaction patterns in children and typically is used from infancy through the first to fifth grade. For example, two-year-old Lucy was very shy. Each month when Mom's book group came for an evening, Lucy's mom thought she was helping by pushing Lucy forward or holding Lucy while mom's friends hugged her hello. Lucy, however, appeared frightened and pulled back.

Being with and observing your child, you start to note how he or she responds to people, environments, stress, food, etc. You'll be observant of how you react. Are you reactive? Or are you proactive? 

Your goal is to become an active parent by recognizing feelings and watching behaviors. The more you observe your child's traits, the more prepared you're a master at managing and supporting temperaments. You are watching your child adapt, and then you adjust to varied environments and situations as you go along. Lucy's mom took the hint when a book club member mentioned that because Lucy seemed overly shy, why not let her hang out at the book club meeting for several weeks without pushing her into anyone or anything. Instead, the friend suggested that Lucy explores and find her level of comfort in her way. These moms would watch how she did it and learned what comforted Lucy. That advice was excellent for Lucy's mom to allow temperament expressions to evolve into a good fit for the situation. 

What Does Adapting the Environment Mean?

Here are examples of how different parents handled changing the environment to meet the needs of a child.

Marilynn got upset when something new was happening the next day or an activity would be different. Her mom started talking about the exciting new event one week before it would happen. She'd mention in normal conversation each night, and the night before the event was the most critical. Marilynn asked, "Is it tomorrow?" Mom responded wth yes, which made Marilynn cry more. Marilynn would speak of being scared and not liking new things she didn't know about. Mom adapted the environment by talking about the event with her daughter. She left an additional hour for Marilynn to get ready for bed, cry, read a book, and talk some more before turning off the light. On the following mornings, Marilynn did all right and held herself together. Somehow, her living through the fear before the event seemed to make her happier to be there.

Do you see how common sense the adaptations can be?

What questions do you have about a good fit between parents and children?

 

Tool–Defining Your Ideal Client 1

Why would a parent coach or a family coach take particular care in defining the type of person who would be their best customer or client?

Influencing Factors

1: Relationship research suggests that if we are relatively healthy in mindset and emotionality, we attract people, who are similar to us in Emotional patterns, Cultural preferences, Levels of empathy

2. Also, core temperaments influence whom we meet with and coach. Are you the personality type that can be authentic with all four temperaments? Can you work with the types of person who

  • Make excuses
  • Cancel appointments
  • Want to talk about it, and not do much about it
  • Becomes angry at you rather than the issue

3. Likewise, our values influence the decisions we make about our business and ideal clients.
This values of your ideal client affects everything you do from setting fees to determining your coaching programs, which will offer solutions to their problems and value to living an inspired life.

4. Spend your time on the most valuable task to make your business successful by defining your ideal client.

  • Age group
  • Income
  • Family status
  • Education
  • Lifestyle goals
  • Location

To make this list real, a clever trick of successful authors is to write a story. Authors write about their ideal reader, and you write about the client who is most compatible with you. You give her a name, a couple of kids, a husband who just doesn't get it, and a load of student loans. You know quite a bit about her, you think.
If you stop there, you may be missing a huge piece of the puzzle—and losing out on the best clients because of temperament incompatibility.

Temperament Style Mismatch

The topic is rarely considered in the "ideal client" equation, and it's arguably the most important part: core temperament style.

If you're bossy, sarcastic, fun-loving and loud, then a quiet, middle-aged mom who spends her time volunteering at the church is probably not a good fit for you. WHY?

  • Natural exuberance may overwhelm the person.
  • If a client needs to start with small steps, and you whiz to the finish line, you've left the client in the dust.
  • Either he will be uncomfortable with your style, or you'll be miserable trying to reign in your natural exuberance.

Drive Determines Success

Check in with your client about their drive to success.

Adaptive Supporter type clients are slower to take the initiative, although they always meet their goal.  An achiever may be internally motivated but could move too fast and fail to plan adequately for meeting his goals. Both clients can be frustrating to coach unless you understand the core temperaments and what motivates each person to succeed.

Review your current and past coaching clients, and you'll identify the disposition patterns of those you attract. Review:
What characteristics did your most enjoyable client bring to the table?
What time frame do you expect a customer to meet their goals?
Which client behavioral patterns are those you do not want to deal with?
How do you handle your disappointment?
How do you celebrate your client's successes?

Compare your new potential clients to this ideal profile, and you'll never again sign on with a less-than-perfect client.