Parent Coaching Is An Empowerment Model

Parent Coaching is an  empowerment model to support a parent's finding their answers and solving their problems through coaching questions and conversations. This is in contrast to the psychotherapy areas.

Within the psychotherapy and counseling domains, a client employs a professional with a degree in psychology, counseling, or medicine. Often the sessions are held at the therapist’s office. An insurance company may pay the invoice.

Often the sessions are held at the therapist’s office. An insurance company may pay the invoice. This is a medical model:

  • The doctor or therapist has a  “practice"”
  • Is employed to treat people for their mental health issues or personality disorder.
  • A third party like insurance may cover the cost of these services.

In psychotherapy, the assumption is to treat the symptoms and underlying causes. For example, a client may enter psychotherapy because he gets into fights at work with his supervisors. After a few sessions in which he brings up his past and talks about his possible causes that contribute to the fights, the client realizes that he is repeating problems he had with his parents with his boss. In fact, he realizes that he has deliberately chosen a boss who reminds him of his father.

In Coaching

The underlying assumption in a coaching session is that the client is well and resourceful and can handle his or her life.

If this same client were to hire a coach, the coach would ask empowering questions and challenge his thinking about handling the boss issues. A coach does not delve into a client’s past, but focuses on the present time, issue or goal and future steps.

I was a licensed therapist, and I like coaching better. In coaching, the client is whole, resourceful, and ready for change. Yet, the model in therapy is that the client is broken. As a therapist, I used to only listen and never give my opinion. Sometimes I felt as if I could be replaced by a mannequin.”

…Mark Brandenberg

In coaching, the WHY is not as important! Coaches deal with the HOW.  Parent Coaches listen to goals, problems, or issues and with encouragement and expertise partner in discovering solutions or supporting transformations.

Therapy is about looking backwards. Coaching is about working with today. We deal with what is now.

… Jill Herman

Coaches review a client’s strengths and focus on them. The medical/psychological establishment focuses on problems and pathology. We look at wellness and not what is broken. If a coach finds a true pathology, the coach refers that person to a psychologist or other appropriate specialist. Troubled persons with long-standing problems may not think rationally and require a different therapeutic approach.

In parent coaching, the model is that the client is whole, healthy, and wants to achieve goals. He is open to discussion, brainstorming, and looking to the future, not the past.

Dr. Caron Goode

Dr. Caron Goode

Founder--Academy for Coaching Parents International

How Personality Impacts Stress

Have you ever noticed how some people don't appear as bothered by stress and worry compared to other adults?  These people seem to handle stressors that would cause others to have health issues. Ever wonder why this is?

Your personality plays a significant role in the way that you cope with stress each day. Reactions to stress are partially in our nature and partly learned throughout different experiences. How much pressure can you experience before stress symptoms appear and then remain consistent every day?

Some people have better resilience or a more robust shell. They defend against stress despite having their share of stress-inducing situations. However, even the more robust people will react once the pressure of stressors becomes too overwhelming. Eventually, if not monitored, repercussions of stress appear as:

  • Mental health problems, like anxiety or depression.
  • Cardiovascular disease, like high blood pressure, abnormal heart rhythms, heart attacks, and stroke.

Chronic Stress Is Dangerous

How do you reduce the pressure and alleviate the stress?

There are different methods for reducing stress. Which one works best for you depends on your personality and also the situation at hand?

Exercises like meditation and relaxation techniques relieve stress well. The caveat is that the practices are only useful if done on a regular schedule.

Also, any vigorous activities or sports strengthen resilience. Whether you choose to relax or you choose to work out, your activity and results are dependant on your personality and your general approach to life.

While this is not an official assessment,  the following sets of questions narrow down your general personality type. Then you can determine how you'll combat the stress and keep your mind and body balanced.

Perfectionist

Perfectionists frequently create their own stress by being far too hard on themselves. It helps to practice having more realistic expectations and being more forgiving of mistakes and shortcomings. If you're a perfectionist, you'll probably find that relaxation does help you. Allow yourself the time off to ensure leisurely activities, and relaxation makes their way into your routine regularly.

Seeking Stimulus

If you are easily bored an dislike routines, then you might seek action and stimulus. Habits bore you. You enjoy changes and start new projects easily. However, you tend to leave plans unfinished.  Completing details are tedious. You thrive on risk and enjoy adventures. You have unique ideas and love change and new people. Maintaining longer-term relationships is problematic.

  • Little details are time wasters to you
  • You're consistently full of unique and fresh ideas
  • You find it difficult to maintain a steady relationship

Feeling Anxious?

Does your anxiety manifest in any of these ways:

  • You feel that people take advantage of you.
  • Disagreements upset you.
  • You worry a lot about making changes, even if they are helpful to you.
  • Sometimes, you don't feel confident, but feel vulnerable.
  • You apologize too much.
  • You find it hard to say no.
  • You have a fear of being unliked, unpopular, and so on.

More often than not, the anxious type of personality possesses poor self-esteem.  You take on a job that's not demanding enough and then grow bored and frustrated. You might end up investing time to avoid something else.

Relaxation and meditation can be helpful each of these personality groups. Also, suggestions to increase self-esteem are useful.

Some even suggest that a few hypnotherapy sessions can work wonders when it comes to building up things like self-confidence and the effects can end up being completely life-changing.

Strengthen Your Emotional Resilience and Bounce Back

Emotional resilienceenables you to bounce back after difficult experiences. Fortunately, this is a skill that you can develop to get through stressful times with greater ease.

Here are some of the benefits of becoming more emotionally resilient and a few strategies for developing this very helpful skill.

 

The Benefits of Becoming More Emotionally Resilient

Experience greater happiness. Adversity is to be expected but you can control your emotional reaction. By putting the best face on things, you'll see the opportunities for learning and growth that come with challenging situations. A positive attitude will also help you recover from disappointments more quickly

.Make progress towards your life goals. Complications will arise throughout your life. Being flexible makes it easier to accept and surmount the obstacles that arise in your path. For example, if one scholarship fails to come through, explore other options for financing your college education.

Strengthen your relationships. People are naturally drawn to happy people. You're likely to have more harmonious relationships if you can keep up your spirits. By contrast, depression often makes others feel like withdrawing.

Boost your self-esteem. Becoming more adaptable helps you accomplish more. In turn, those accomplishments and healthy relationships make you feel more confident.

Act responsibly. Under pressure, you may feel tempted to get angry or hurt or act out. Emotional resilience helps you to keep your composure and makes you less prone to saying something that you might regret.

Cultivating a calm mind helps your immune system keep you healthy. Studies show that managing stress can even help you maintain your cognitive functions as you age.

Methods for Becoming More Emotionally Resilient

Know your purpose in life. It's a big endeavor, but discovering your purpose in life is fundamental to your ability to navigate challenges. A mission motivates you.

Set realistic goals and make specific plans. Some things are beyond your control, but smart planning can enhance your stability. Set goals you can achieve and break them down into easy steps.

Be aware of your emotions. If you can be mindful of what you're feeling, you can give yourself permission to evaluate the situation before reacting. Moreover, deep breathing provides some time to see a constructive solution before getting angry, hurt, or being irrational.

Practice patience and persistence. Make a commitment to yourself to see things through even when difficulties arise. For example, if you get declined after one job interview, transfer your energies to the next opportunity.

Slow down. Sometimes you get more done by slowing down. Lack of sleep or perpetual multi-tasking can cause stress and irritating tension. Give yourself a break to refresh your brain and your body.

Act happy. Just trying to appear happier can help you lift your mood after a setback. Treat yourself to a funny movie or call a friend who helps you laugh.

Learn to ask for help. Make it easier for your loved ones to support you. Practice asking for help in a respectful manner while being specific about what you need.

Be generous. The more you give to others, the more likely they are to reciprocate in your time of need and the better you'll feel about yourself.

Emotional resilience is a powerful asset for accomplishing more in life.

 

 

Engage The Heart–The Brain Changes

Engage The Heart--The Brain Changes

We engage through the heart, connecting the child with their family and world through the power of a loving healing relationship. This is the Open Heart approach. Over time, as organization and regulation increase, the brain reformats and gets it. Much research concludes…

1. The role of the primary caregiver to assist the child in developing self-regulation far outweighs the influence of genetics or temperament.

[ctt template="5" link="Ic6qs" via="yes" ]2. However, it is the interaction of attachment and temperament that forms the working model of relationship between child and parent and parent and child. @parent_coach[/ctt]

In this course, you’ll be learning how the energy-dampening effect to behaviorally challenged children is a relationship-based approach.

Either parent, grandparent, aunt, or uncle, or others closely involved with the child can have the same positive impact on the child’s development, internal self-regulation, and the regulation of (emotion) affect.

Indeed, it does take a village to raise a child well. Through a relationship-based model, the caregiver facilitates what the child cannot, until the child is capable of accomplishing it by herself.

[ctt template="5" link="z5xfY" via="yes" ]The caregiver returns to the basics of an early parenting model when and where necessary to better meet their child’s needs through modeling, influencing, guiding, supporting, instructing, and monitoring the boundaries and expectations. I simply call this good parenting. @parent_coach[/ctt]

I loved my child before I ever saw her. I love my child still. I have a child with emotional and mental health problems. This is the child I love. This is the child I have. My daughter has the dubious distinction of being THE most discussed case history among therapists, behavioral assistants, and clinicians. One agency director informed me that she regularly uses my daughter’s case for training of her new case managers and therapists. It does not give a parent the warm fuzzies to hear repeatedly from mental health professionals, whom you look to for help, that your child’s case is the most difficult one they have ever seen.

These sentiments are my personal reflections.

They also match the experiences of some of the parents you will coach…parents, who struggle to move forward after facing the reality of one or more diagnoses like ADHD, Autism, Conduct disorder, Bipolar disorder. The effects on the family are the same. It triggers a parent’s worst nightmares.

[ctt template="5" link="XR801" via="yes" ]Concerns, fears, sleepless nights, and the search for answers begin. This is how a parent enters the world of mental health and special needs…a world where terminology is confusing and diagnoses sound like the unending combinations of an alphabet soup. @parent_coach[/ctt]

If care is not taken, a parent or teacher might begin to refer to the child by the labels of their diagnosis, and see in the child’s behaviors, both positive and negative, only symptoms of the same. As months or years of struggle pass, parents don’t differentiate which part of the behavior belongs to their child’s temperament, and which part is a symptom of the diagnosed condition.

Amid the onslaught of doctors, neurologists, medical tests, and therapists elucidating the deficits in their child’s development, parents easily lose sight of the child and concentrate on what they see most, the disorganized and dysregulated behavior.

The question that brings this home is simple: Which child do you see…one with special needs or one who is just plain special?

Become Trained and Certified in the Coaching Families With Special Needs Course

What Is Your Coaching Mission With Special Needs?

As a parent-family coach or coach for special needs families, your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to help parents in similar situations find clarity, hope, and greater functionality in their family. With your help and guidance, parents will

 

  1. find their center of gravity,
  2. push past their feelings of inadequacy and overwhelm,
  3. begin restoring regulation and resilience in their children with behavioral disorders through securing the child-parent relationship.

One agency director informed me that she regularly uses my daughter’s case for training of her new case managers and therapists. It does not give a parent the warm fuzzies to hear repeatedly from mental health professionals, whom you look to for help, that your child’s case is the most difficult one they have ever seen. [ctt template="5" link="cjUt1" via="yes" ]This is the child I have. This is the child I love. @parent_coach[/ctt] These sentiments are my personal reflections and a parent, a parenting coach, and a training professional. The sentiments also match the experiences of some of the parents you will coach…parents, who struggle to move forward after facing the reality of one or more diagnoses like ADHD, Autism, Conduct disorder, or Bipolar disorder. The effects on the family are the same. [ctt template="5" link="9Dqc5" via="yes" ]It triggers a parent’s worst nightmares. Concerns, fears, sleepless nights, and the search for answers begin. @parent_coach[/ctt] This is how a parent enters the world of mental health and special needs…a world where terminology is confusing and diagnoses sound like the unending combinations of an alphabet soup. If care is not taken, a parent or teacher might begin to refer to the child by the labels of their diagnosis, and see in the child’s behaviors, both positive and negative, only as symptoms of the same. As months or years of struggle pass, parents don’t differentiate which part of the behavior belongs to their child’s temperament, and which part is a symptom of the diagnosed condition. Amid the onslaught of doctors, neurologists, medical tests, and therapists elucidating the deficits in their child’s development, parents easily lose sight of the child and concentrate on what they see most, the disorganized and dysregulated behavior. The question that brings this home is simple:

Which child do you see…one with special needs or one who is just plain special?

Twice we prepared to send our young daughter  to long-term residential on the strong advice of doctors and psychiatric nurses working with our daughter. The first time she was four years old. The second time she was nearly seven.

Ultimately, we decided it was not something we could live with, nor did we believe it was in the best interest of our daughter.

It is your mission: to understand the unbelievable, heart-wrenching choices some parents face as part of everyday life. We believed we had tried everything to help change our daughter’s behavior. Nearing the edge of hope, we came to the realization that something had to give. It would either be our child, or us parents and we didn’t want it be either. However, this is not the end of the story…merely the beginning. Information from neuropsychology, trauma, attachment, and relationship, the same information you will learn in course, Coaching families with Special Needs,  We discovered choices and options that allowed us to regain personal and family balance and hope for the future. We changed and improved our parenting skills, and developed a positive healthy plan to parent our daughter. [ctt template="5" link="s01ji" via="yes" ]The information was a revelation that allowed a welcome return to my original parenting philosophy with new knowledge and understanding about raising children with love, compassion, empathy, and relationship. @parent_coach[/ctt]

  • Both negative and positive reactions, actions, and attitudes of caregivers significantly impact the child, and hinder or support the development of secure attachment.
  • Environment, temperament, trauma and stress, is relative to reactive behavior, and internal organization and regulation.
  • Parents can learn to manage, diminish, eliminate, and contain even the most severe behavior.

Finally, we had something to DO. We were no longer on the fringe of being powerless to help our daughter. We devoured and assimilated the information, because we had a lot to lose. We refused to cry uncle! We resolved to be committed! We did not hold back! We completely transformed our outlook, honed our philosophy, strategized our plan in every minute detail, and changed our lifestyle. It was not ever easy, but it was easier than what we had been doing and how we had been living for so long. Let me share who the unruly, dysregulated, and unattached little girl became. She became our mission possible.