In interviewing Elizabeth about being a parenting coach, she asked, “But who would listen to me? What if I can’t connect to a client?”
Her questions were valid, and they also revealed low self-worth. This thinking could keep Elizabeth from achieving important goals and becoming all that she desired to be.
- Do you feel that you’re not good enough for people to pay you?
- Do you underestimate that your insight could have a positive influence on others?
- Have self-worth issues affected your friendships or personal relationships?
Many of our unworthy feelings might come from what we experienced in childhood or from negative life experiences as an adult. Have you dealt with low esteem at some point in your life? Or have low self-worth issues affected your choices? Upset your relationships? Then to improve your self-worth and gain confidence as a parent coach or a family consultant, try these three steps.
Step Out: Visit with a friend, who is also a parent, and ask his or her permission to speak up. Tihs is your practice session:
- “I’ve observed Ian’s behavior, and I have a suggestion to increase your results in getting him to sleep. Does that work for you?”
- “I’d like to suggest that…”
- “Can I practice coaching you as a parent…”
How much is an in-depth coaching session worth to you?
You Can Change
Why do you feel you don’t deserve a fair price for your work efforts? You can change that mindset. You can overcome your doubt. One way is to create new habits like these, for instance:
- Practice offering suggestions to friends several times a week. They key is to ask their permission or to ask how you can help?
- You can mentally reprogram those negative voices with positive ones so that you feel worthy of earning and gaining wealth.
Don’t I Have To Be an Expert?
When Elizabeth asked this question, she explained that she felt a lack of coaching experience. This problem is common for many of us until we get our feet wet.
Like Elizabeth, we have to remember which urgent feeling inside led to the place of wanting to build a business. The typical answer is that we are here to help others, provide connection and communication that serves the higher good.
Over time, Elizabeth felt assured that her listening skills would carry the coach-client conversation until she thought to add her two cents. And she was a patient listener, who learned to speak up and ask more question,s when she felt the client needed insight. At last, she had moved beyond feeling unworthy and needing to prove herself.
Sometimes, like Elizabeth, an entrepreneurial coach has a desire to learn and a passion for helping. Being honest with people who seek advice is another virtue that entrepreneurs need to cultivate, rather than advise or guess at answers. Or, offer to find solutions, which is how Linda grew in her confidence.
Grow Into Your Confidence
We want to feel good about ourselves. When we are confident, we feel better emotionally and mentally, and this reflects positively on our behaviors and improves our quality of life, from personal relationships to our professional endeavors.
Thus, whatever helps boost our self-confidence is good for us. One of the best ways to do this is by exercising regularly. Exercise is not only good for self-assurance but has excellent health benefits.
So how can exercise boost self-confidence? Try these steps, perhaps one every other day, to have a new experience of confidence.
A Step in Building Your Self Confidence
Your confidence is the accumulation of all your reactions to the experiences that life brought you. Many factors contribute to the personal understanding of confidence.
One determining influence is how right are the circumstances of your life. Do you tend to fall into the trap of creating unrealistic expectations? In the process, the losses could become too painful, and you eventually suffer the effects of lower self-confidence.
On the other hand, if you rely more on playing safe and creating more achievable goals that are easier to attain, then you act with confidence. Also, achievements add to the development of self-confidence.
People, especially those with low self-worth like Elizabeth, benefit from knowing that they are somehow capable of doing well. They should strive to gain the confidence.
You may already have heard the phrase, “It is all in your mind.” The statement is true for some psychological and emotional conditions that have mental roots. Thus, the antidote might as well come from the same source.
You can always condition yourself to feel the way you want or to feel the way you don’t want. You can suppress emotions, and in the process, you help feelings materialize. To deepen your confidence, watching your thoughts and the words you say are how you grow in awareness. What you speak are not mere words, but concepts that dug deep within and integrated into your being. If you believe in these phrases, then there is no way that you won’t understand their direct opposite expressions.
Central to building self-confidence is one’s belief about self, much like Elizabeth’s honest statements. Whatever you set your mind to believe will all be taken as factual. The motivation to change must come from you. You start with talking to yourself using positive statements. Self-talk research shows that you do not have to believe in such statements. However, saying, thinking, or reading the statements do sink in and have a positive effect.
You, the confident, can change your perspectives and live a different life that looks forward to better things.
Practicality Versus Passion
Your passion skills set is best recalled from enjoyable childhood moments. Do you remember moments in your childhood that felt freeing and fun? One that I remember was bike riding on a Saturday afternoon. The freedom to explore and wind around different neighborhoods cleared my mind and rejuvenated my body. The passion skills set of exploring neighborhoods and enjoying the outdoors is now my walking daily to clear my head and get a fresh perspective on business or a project.
Such childhood memories that we’re passionate about aren’t really the most practical things to do when we grow up and become “responsible.” So we often put off when more pressing “responsible” concerns arise like taking the kids to extracurricular activities.
Truths About Passion Skills and Temperaments
If your passion feels obscure or far away, you may not think that the practical skills are worth exploring. However they are, and if you identify with even one of these three reasons, then do explore how to make your passion skills set practical.
- Fifty percent of our motivation to pursue a passion stems from our core temperament(s). From temperaments comes what we value, and our innate drive keeps pushing us toward using our strengths and putting talents to use. If you don’t use your innate talents, you don’t lose them. Quite the contrary happens. They rise up and get in your face!
- Thus you cannot squash your passion. It keeps nudging you, reminding you, trying to motivate you to a course of action.
- You will always feel out of sync when not aligned with values and using passion skills set. The best examples I can provide are the men and women who have pursued the careers of their parents or went for what they “thought” was the right thing, only to be disappointed later.
The solution to staying motivated is to bring your passion skills set into practical living and practical projects. It is possible to find the practical skills behind your passion. My passion has always been writing, and, eventually in my adult years, I followed these steps to embrace my passion. If I didn’t, it hounded me.
“There is no passion to be found playing small – in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living.”
Writing Short Stories
Let’ start with the more common one. There are many secret writers, who love to create poetry or prose, but we all know that most authors don’t end up on the best seller list. In fact, most writers never make a dime from their writings. They write and narrate because they feel the calling to do so. They enjoy writing because it motivates them and makes them happy. They are using their core strengths, which is a natural thing to do. The are building a skill set and making it better each time
The Creative Magic Sparks
When someone is following a normal talent or motivation or nudge, a spark of magic happens, and the door of creativity opens. Ideas pour into the writer’s mind. A strange character for the novel introduces herself. The ending of the story took a new turn and recreated a new ending.
Like the old writer’s joke says: How can I start writing? Answer: Sit down and start start writing. In the literal sense, when you practice your passion, even for fun and just for yourself, you are honing the creative skills.
“It’s your place in the world; it’s your life. Go on and do all you can with it, and make it the life you want to live.” —Mae Jemison
Here are more steps to discover these skills.
- Take an objective look at what you do as a writer.
When you sit down to write something, take a moment and jot down all of the things that you’re doing or are about to do. For example:
Create a story
Organize the idea
Research/describe the setting of the story
Commit to a project from start to finish
- Research the job descriptions of writer. Do a web search for “writer job description.” This will give you some great insight into the skills built through writing.
Make a list of the skills you find in a few of the job.
Go through the list and pull out skills that you feel apply best to you and add them to the first
- Research writers’ websites and look at the services they provide to give you some insight into skills you hadn’t considered. Add them to your list.
Now you ave created a real-life practical skills list for a passion that motivates your path. If you decide to take the next steps, they are mix, mingle, and learn.
Writers are often solitary souls who need a writer’s group for support. Join one or start one.
Go to writing events and talk to other writers who love what they do as much as you do. There are conferences, festivals and networking events for a wide variety of topics.
Find local writing events by doing a web search. Not only will you learn about the skills that you have developed, you might meet some cool new writing friends to support you in following your passion..
You can use these same steps to find passion skills sets in any area, and start using them to follow the natural course of your motivating strengths.
Are you a type of person who is looking to get out of this rat race and work for yourself from home by being your own boss?
Have a look at our courses and get one step closer to your dream life.
Mindset is about how you think and use your mental focus. The term emotions refer to your feelings, and each affects the other. -Emotion intertwines with mood, temperament, personality, disposition, and motivation.
Emotions and Strength
Want strength, then rile up your emotions like Norse warriors of long ago. The warriors were so called because they created fist of anger before entering the battlefield. They caused adrenaline to pump to prepare to win a war. In this agitated state, they felt invulnerable and accomplished feats of incredible strength.
Under extreme stress or emotional overwhelm, your body produces excess amounts of testosterone, adrenaline and cortisol. These hormones increase you heart rate, focus, awareness and muscle tone for the extra strength.
Use Your Emotional Strength for Calm, Collected Focus
Calm, collected focus is about creating and being in a “flow state.”
We also call flow by several descriptors:
- Being in the zone or fully immersed mental state.
- Feeling of energized focus
- Full involvement
- Complete absorption of in what one does
- Results that are focused, engaged, maybe losing track of time.
A flow state is a feeling of calm, focused bliss, like in extreme sports when athletes persofrm effortlessly.Or like in music where the melody or the rhythm moves a person to sing or to dance.
No fear. No doubt. No bursts of anger or unwanted emotion.
You do your best work in a flow state. This is when we are happiest.
Do you try to live your life as much as possible. The problem is that you may have anxiety or stay overly busy with chores and things we need to do. These limitations leave you stressed, anxious or busy and they take you out of the moment. You face a challenge when your body and mind cannot possibly be in-sync when you are worrying.
Entering flow means being in the moment which not only makes you happy and confident, it also makes you unstoppable. You take control over your emotions.
So how do you take back control over your emotions?
- Check into how you feel, especially if your energy is low, or you you are distracted or even in a bad mood.
- To change your mood, I suggest Full-Wave Breathing to change your physiology in the literal sense.
- If you learn to breathe correctly (using belly breathing to fill the lower portion of the lungs, then the upper portion). If you use slow, controlled breaths, then you will be able to lower your heart rate, blood pressure, and calm your entire body.
- This will change your parasympathetic tone, taking you out of ‘fight or flight’ and into ‘rest and digest’. Try it the next time you feel overly stressed, overly competitive or worked up after an intense workout – your heart rate will slow and your mind will grow calmer.
- For your mental framework, another tool to use is called CBT—‘Cognitive Behavioral Therapy’ and this is a popular form of psychotherapeutic intervention used to treat phobias and other anxiety disorders.Take the intention of CBT strategies to look at the content of your thoughts. The self-talk that you give yourself to work yourself into a panic, or to calm yourself down. If you are thinking things like “I’m worried I might fall off that ledge” then of course you are going to be scared. If you think things like “I’m grateful for my friends” then you will be less likely to feel unhappy with where you are in life. You can use CBT to challenge long-held beliefs and to break negative self-talk habits by challenging your thoughts and testing your hypotheses. This is called ‘cognitive restructuring’.
- In the short term, you can use CBT techniques in order to more honestly assess your state of mind and your emotions and to then change the way you feel about a situation.So if you were stressed that you had a deadline you couldn’t meet and it was ruining your evening, then you might use cognitive restructuring in order to assess the thoughts making you stressed and replace them with more productive ones.For example, you might consider:
- What is the point of being stressed? Will it make matters better?
- What’s the worst case scenario? Would it really be that bad to tell the boss you can’t finish work on time? Are they expecting too much of you anyway?
- When was the last time you did this?
- Are there other ways you could lessen the blow?
- What would you rather pay attention to right now?
Combine this with controlled breathing and bring your focus to the thing that is most useful to you right now.
In the long term, you can use CBT in order to bridge the gap between your thoughts and your physiology. You see, your physiology and your emotions are designed to drive you toward desirable states: sex, food, shelter, love, success, social acceptance.
The first coaching session with a client can be up to an hour or two, or even longer if you conduct the Intake Session as your first scheduled meeting. You have to get to know one another on two levels:
- the sharing information level and
- the deeper intuitive level.
What is the client seeking: resolve, newness, skills, a mindset, a specific goal, or to solve a problem?
How does the client describe an issue such as participating in it or being a victim of the problem?
As you listen and coach, what are your feelings and thoughts? Review them to ensure you are connecting with your client.
How willing is the client to move ahead as well as dive deeper?
Your Coaching Role
As a coach, you will have a set of ground rules. For example, you might ask for a three-month commitment or require a 24-hours cancellation notice.
Your first session with your client requires setting the standard and the tone for all the sessions. Why does the first impression become important for all future sessions? Your customer’s trust, comfort level, inspiration, enthusiasm, and motivation will indicate the comfort level in confiding and engaging in the conversation with you.
You are in charge of setting the format of the session–how you start and conclude, as well as using probing questions. As the coach, you have to focus the content of the meeting. You could offer a free initial consultation to explore a client’s coaching needs. The initial session could be from 45 to 90 minutes.
Your goal as a parent coach is to explain what you do, the liability factors, and expectations. The parent-coach alliance includes asking questions, listening, reflecting, and defining goals or expectations together.
The Client’s Role
On the other hand, the client brings the content, the dialogue, to the coaching session. The client leads the way to the more pressing matters to discuss or that require coaching.
When customers answer your questions, they could reveal personal desires, problems, or goals. A free first session is an excellent selling tool. The client’s risk is small compared to the tremendous benefits to find out how coaching can support the client’s efforts.
Use the second meeting to complete any agenda items from the previous meeting. Continue to build a positive rapport with your client and enhance their comfort level.
Both coach and client, within two practical sessions, can complete these tasks:
1. Explain the coaching process which includes reviewing and agreeing to the terms of the coach-client contract or agreement.
2. Take care of business issues: payments, how to make payments, time commitments, and the protocol for the sessions.
2. The client focuses on coaching goals or achievements, or processes like problem-solving, or exploring core temperaments. In other words, what does your client want?
3. Establishing rapport is best done by knowing your customer’s core temperament. Part of the coaching role is to shift your attention and communication to their particular temperament(s) and establish a positive rapport.
4. Determine how you and the client communicate.
5. Determine a client’s intentions.
6. Confirm in writing or verbally that the customer demonstrates willingness, commitment, time, and agrees to actions while you schedule coaching.