The Family Coach Solves the Puzzles

My Family Coach didn't have cliche, immediate answers to my questions about managing a toddler's outbursts. Instead, she asked me more questions about values and viewpoints. When we finished the discussion, i realized I was in complete harmony with my parenting values. Her viewpoint allowed me to talk through my fears of parenting too strictly.

Every day in your families, you may operate from the perspective of doing the best you know how to do in dealing with the challenges and opportunities. That is so true for everyone, even your coach, who probably came to her profession because of similar experiences. Would you choose to work with a coach If you knew you could and would be...

  1. More effective in relationships,
  2. More productive with your time.
  3. Better focused on your goals
  4. More successful in communication

If you knew you could accomplish your goal, then you would alter your behavior to correspond with these insights. Your family coach supports your breakthrough and speeds up your learning curve.

You Are Limited By What You Do and Don't Know

The only access you ordinarily have to change and to influence your family comes from these two areas:

1. What you know

2. What you don’t know

In efforts to achieve more or be a better person, you might learn to do something better, or try a different way you heard or read about. You try again a strategy that worked for you before. This is all good. The problem is that it doesn’t stick. The small increments of progress are just that….small, yet they can be powerful if they give you a new skill, relevant understanding, and a next step.

That is where the Family Coach enters the scenario. Few of us can make the changes personally we desire without help. We need feedback, another viewpoint, advice, a listener, a person who questions how we will get there and what will we have accomplished in our parenting.

Here is the success secret that few parents know:

Extraordinary growth comes from outside the area called “you don’t know” – your blind spots.

Imagine the big bubble right outside of your reach filled with a vast array of unusual, new ideas and advice you seek. However, you could be blind to the giant bubble of answers.

Very few family coaches will tell you what to do. In one sense, that rips off your self-discovery process for yourself and all the family members.

Instead, coaches listen, feel, observe, and ask to help you go to the inner bubble of personal knowing ---THAT is your unknown, unseen wisdom waiting to rise to the top.

You wouldn’t let your child climb on to a bike he doesn’t know how to ride without helping him balance, pedal and practice until he has a feel for the bike.

You stay balanced with a family coach until you feel the thrill of success just like your child careens downhill on his bike with hands in the air, “Wheeeeee.”

That is the thrill of accomplishment. Your child felt joyful at self-discovery,  As a parent, you go through self-discovery too.

 

Tips for Understanding Your Child through Language

Good communication is a key to understanding your child better. Togther, parenting coaches and parents review the steps to maintaining a harmonious relationship that keeps the parent-child relationship healthier and flourishing.

TIPS

Firstly, be genuinely familiar with your child's language especially during times of conflicts and confrontations.

Familiarize yourself with your child's words, the tone of voice, and emotional responsivity. Does the chid's speech tone suggest a specific emotion like anxiety, shyness, fear, or the need to dominate or be shy?

Secondly, learn how to accept the full range of your child's emotionality.

  • How do you take the chid's overall behavior?
  • Can you receive the emotions and feelings of your child?
  • As you succeed in understanding his feelings, you are better able to guide him to express his unpleasant and unlikely feelings appropriately.
  • Encourage a child's real feelings in conversation. Suppression of emotions and feelings are not healthy.

understanding your child

Thirdly, I have observed that not each parent shows a speaking child the courtesy of attention. Interrupting, bombarding the child with questions, or flinging anger and accusation signals that the child maintains her distance. Explain and make him realize that interrupting any speaker is considered rude by some adults.. This is also a way of instilling him some part of good values.

Fourthly, always be approachable. As much as possible, help your child know that she can approach you and not to hesitate to discuss any problem or requests. If the child realizes that open communication between him and you is always possible, imagine how much respect your child has for you!

Fifthly, ask questions so you gather further information, but not in an interrogating manner. Try to ask questions that solicit honest and direct answers from your child. How do you act and speak to your child, so that she feels confident with you.

Lastly, provide useful, helpful and assuring responses to your child's questions. Apply the principles of reflective listening. This way, you could have a clear and actual grasp of what it is your child is trying to tell you. Reflect on his words and the manner by which he talks. Understanding your child entails setting a good pattern of open communication between you both.

How to Parent the Whole Child

Parenting the whole child implies that we honor our children’s wholeness while we dissect and discuss the parts of the whole—physical body, mind, emotions and spirit. It may indeed be paradoxical, but it’s our way of understanding how the parts contribute to the whole and our job if we work with parents, families, and children.

We consider our children’s wholeness when we:

  • Bear in mind the emotional and mental factors that contribute to strep throat.
  • Look to a biochemical problem associated with a child’s temper
  • Consider the negative self-talk and thoughts that can float around in the head of a depressed teen.
  • Regard childhood patterns from a holistic perspective. These can include a child who falls down all the time, one who has allergies, one who is shy and sensitive, one who doesn’t want to be touched, and so on. We want to help, but do we help their biochemistry, their behavior or their spirit?
  • Think about how children spend their time, and if their activities are balanced between stimulation and quiet.

Bundles of Energy

The foundation of whole-child parenting is understanding that our children are bundles of energy in the form of thoughts, physical activity, emotional expression and spirit. Rather than thinking about managing our children, think about managing their energy.

The energy of the body needs food, touch, air and water. The energy of the emotions needs positive input like optimism, smiles and support. The energy of thought needs inspiration and imagination, or it gets bored. The energy of the spirit needs connection, faith, compassion and quiet. It needs calm moments of awareness.

Most of us know these things and have our own intuitive ways of mothering and fathering our children. In fact, the joy of parenting the whole child is discovering how much you already know and do. The ease of whole-child parenting is that when one avenue doesn’t work, there is always another way. For example, because we know that the nature of emotional energy can be chaotic, we can find several ways to structure and channel positive emotional energy with our child. We might follow schedules, share meals, read books or see a heart-warming movie.

A Soul Living in a Child’s Body

 Thinking of a child as an “energy bundle” helps us take our parenting less personally when a child screams, “I hate you.” What we want to take to heart is that this soul is living with us in a child’s body. We are responsible for helping this child to develop in the best, most fulfilling way possible.

Parenting is really about educating the mind and body so our children are happy, successful and healthy in body and soul. Working with the mind-body connection is the foundation for parenting the whole child.

If you read this post till the end, you probably are kind of person who wants to help folks live to their maximum potential. Your hunger for having an influence on people forced you to read this article and much more that you already read. It’s just the right time to take a step further and become a certified parent coach and give your purpose a meaning. Have a look at our coaching certification and decide which one suits your talents best..

See also Coaching Whole-Parent and Whole Child 1 and  Coaching Whole-Parent and Whole Child 2

Parent-Family Coaching Programs

 

Certified Consultant vs. Certified Coach

NEW: Why does ACPI now offer Certified Professional Consultant Training after a dozen years of providing only Professional Coach Certifications? 

The answer is to specify and encourage skills for the specific temperament types and blends of people dedicated to serving and helping others. The roles that each temperament type might look very different. 

For example, what each temperament type might offer is not so black and white, as much as, it depends on the preferences of the blended temperaments and motivation. For example, 

  • Thinkers have advice to give and problem-solving skills to offer in an organized fashion. 
  • Supporters often share emotional support and offer hands-on practical advice.
  • Creative Influencers remind us of the motivation to create and the allowance to unfold and manifest those innovations. 

The coaching model for self-growth maximizes a person's performance by unlocking one's potential through a series of questions, choices, and determining how results rate.

Rather than teaching, coaching is akin to guiding, checking in with questions and reviewing progress toward goals or outcomes on a set schedule. The coach has graduated from a course or training that signifies expertise in the coaching model. 

Consulting, on the other hand, involves giving advice. Also, the one giving advice is an astute expert in a particular field. A Professional Parenting Consultant, for example, demonstrates knowledge and solutions for advising in a specific area: for example; sleep, tantrums, school performance, adolescents, or babies.  

Getting babies to sleep, 
Managing a toddler's tantrums
Helping a five-year-old learn to focus and complete a task. 
Helping a school-age child learn discipline through study skills, play skills, or focusing skills. 

A Certified Professional Parenting Coach might ask more questions about the situation: 

What is the bedtime routine?
What instructions, if any, does the parent give the child? 
How strictly is the child monitored, depending on the child's age?
What schedule has the parent set for the child? 
What resistance or behavior does the child exhibit?
What role is more comfortable for you? 

The bottom line about training in coaching or consulting is best determined by idetifying your temperament and motivation

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More Tips for Understanding Your Child–Behavior

If you feel like your child’s behavior drives you crazy sometimes, you are not alone. Each of us has felt the same. Often, children’s misbehavior and tantrums effectively irritate others when you are tired, rushed, stressed, or worried. This is particularly true if you could not seem to correct such misbehavior.

Misbehavior Is A Message

If you are facing this kind of problem, begin the approach to solving it by treating the misbehavior as a message. Your child definitely is trying to tell you something he could not easily and effectively express.

Understanding your child's misbehavior could help you discern and decipher what exactly it is he is trying to say to you. He has goals for misbehaving the way he does.

Through comprehending misbehavior, you could help yourself curb any unlikely or bratty behavior of your child so you could eventually enjoy a better and stronger relationship. Here are some guidelines that could help you going.

Be The First One To Reach Out

Nobody ever said parenting is an easy and smooth task. More frequently, parents find it hard, difficult, and frustrating to handle their children. If you have problems with your child's behavior, it would help a lot if you would reach out.  Anyway, if you would not take the effort to do so, who would? If you find yourself resisting the idea on principle, then drop the resistance. Reach out to your child.

Controlling Behaviors Is Controlling Your Responses Also

First, understand that misbehavior is every child's creative and scheming approach to seek and catch attention. You may start curbing it by evaluating and determining how you actually feel and react if he misbehaves. Your child may be continuously acting out if he sees you are irritated and annoyed.

To make a good start, try to ignore the bad behavior even for once. Give her more attention every time she behaves more appropriately. This could be your creative way of telling her that the best way to catch your attention is through behaving properly.

Don't Show Or Use Your Anger-That is Detrimental

Try not to show anger whenever your child misbehaves. You may send him the wrong signal. If you get irritated or annoyed, try your best to be as calm and as pleasant as possible. This way, you are removing yourself totally from the conflict. The moment she calms down, encourage your child to talk and tell you what it is he likes. Then, try to set logical consequences for his misbehavior (but be careful not to make it look and sound like actual punishments).

Always have patience. There is no need to feel helpless no matter how difficult the situation could be.  As an adult, show the child that you are mature and knowledgeable enough in handling the situation.

Keep on talking to your child during his calm moments so you could settle and resolve whatever differences you may have with each other. Understanding your child may not be simple, but you could always succeed with determination and practices responses. Foster a healthy and open relationship with your child and make yourself approachable at all times.