We have all fallen victim to erroneous thinking. Sometimes we use it on purpose to make ourselves feel better about making a bad choice. Well, defiant children know how to use them to. However, if the errors in thinking are not challenged, the pattern can be detrimental later in life.
Children don’t see things the same way that parents do. Without the benefit of years of experience, they act on emotion and instinct. In particular, defiant children want what they want and don’t mind using negative tactics to get it from parents. It is all about them. Instead of evaluating a situation to see all sides, they only consider how they feel. Children with mental disorders like Oppositional Defiant Disorder can get caught in a bad cycle. They start acting on these thinking errors and things spiral out of control from there. As long as you feed into their way of thinking with your behavior or responses, they will continue to manipulate, yell, scream, and terrorize others. The solution is to get help.
Thinking Errors Defiant Children Use
All of us have experienced erroneous thinking. Sometimes we use it on purpose to make ourselves feel better after making a wrong choice. However, one habit of defiant children is using such thinking errors as excuses or reasons for their desires or behaviors. As parents and parenting coaches, our role would be to challenge the error-prone thinking, lest it becomes habitual.
The Mind of a Child
Children and parents don’t often see eye-to-eye. Children act on instinct and emotion. Parents respond from their years of experience. Children want what they want, and defiant kids and may use negative tactics to get what they want from you. Defiant children are absorbed in their needs. They are capable of knowing only how they feel at that moment, and they don’t evaluate a situation to see all sides. They haven’t matured to that point yet. Children, diagnosed with a mental health issue, can get caught in a negative cycle. They start acting on these thinking errors, and a situation can quickly spiral out of control. If you feed into the thinking errors, then you also get caught up in their behavior. They could continue manipulation through yelling and screaming.They could terrorize everyone around them. The solution is to get help.
Parents Know These Four Thinking Errors
- The road to healing could be long; the first step is to understand your children.
- The second phase is to know how they think.
- The third step is to observe and understand how they get their way.
Injustice stance: This is the thought that the entire world is against the defiant child. When things don’t go their way, then nothing is fair, and they shouldn’ have to comply. This thinking translates into this kind of logic in your child’s head: “School sucks. Therefore, I don’t have to go.” A defiant child can also be passive-aggressive. If not heard, then moving too slowly in the morning means they get their way and stay home from school.
Pride in Negativity Stance: Defiant kids can convince themselves that they know more than their parents. Defiant kids are perfect for making their point in statements of which their parents aren’t aware. They could say a lot of hurtful words. They learned how to steal something, or how to take drugs, or how to play mature video games they shouldn’t be watching. Telling you that they don’t know what you are talking about is to make you feel stupid, or to feel hurt that they have one up on you.
Dishonesty Stance: Kids do lie and will continue if parents don’t catch them in the act and deal with the situation immediately. Any delay would be considered a victory scored by the defiant child. Defiant kids use lying, telling half-truths, and keeping secrets to deny that their bad behavior.
Victim Stance: As the last victim, a rebellious child blames someone else for what happens to them or for what they do. Even if they are the aggressor, the “other” person ís at fault always for what they had to say or what they did to victimize the defiant child. Recognize the methods that rebellious kids use to justify their behavior. Teach them and help them to change their way of thinking.
Life Coaches and Certified Parenting Coaches deal often with two primary issues: time and energy. The classic secret to time management for an entrepreneur is to show the client how to manage their personal organization and not time. Whereas, managing your energy relates to Full-Wave-breathing, exercise, and movement.
Just as electrical equipment functions best when receiving a solid surge of electricity, so do you. In your case, the power you need is energy, which gives you stamina for the day and the ability to kick into high gear when necessary to deal with a problem. It’s not that you have to be perky all day or load up on four shot espresso coffees to get focused. Yet, you do need to know your energy is at its highest and lowest as the entrepreneur working from home.
When you understand how your personal energy patterns ebb and flow, you use that knowledge to support your time management strategy. Are you a night person, who works late but starts slow in the mornings? Are you an early bird who can get up before dawn, exercise, arrive early at your desk to get organized for the day? Then you are a lark!
Or are you a mid-day entrepreneur who starts slow, picks up speed then tapers off in the late afternoon? These patterns relate to your natural energy flow also called bio-rhythms. Some people chart these patterns weekly and monthly and use them to make their schedule, work, or travel commitments.
Or, you can observe yourself and note which hours are your prime working hours–the hours when you can be highly productive with the least effort or tiredness. Just make a simple chart of the day on graph paper or on a spreadsheet-based graph.
List your waking hours on the bottom and a high, medium, low rating along the side. Then make an “X” for your energy level at each hour of the day. As you connect the dots, you’ll notice a pattern of energy highs and lows. Do this for several days and see how consistent the pattern is.
Knowing your prime working hours (early bird, midday, evening) is extremely helpful in how you schedule the complicated tasks in your workday. If you have a choice in scheduling the time to make a presentation at a conference, and you are a midday person, ask for a time between 11 am to 3 pm.
Don’t say yes to the 8am presentation time. You will wake up sluggish and not be sharp even though you know the material. The same is true for dividing tasks. With a large project, divide the elements so that you plan to work on the creative writing or material calculations during the prime energy time of your workday. Your mind will be more alert and you will have the energy to focus on complicated work.
During your off-peak energy times, gather related materials or do some aspect of the project that is less detailed and does not require a high level of creative energy or decision-making. After using this approach for a few weeks, you’ll see what happened on those days when your time management plan seemed to derail even though you were motivated to do the work.
You simply scheduled the wrong task for your lower energy times and so your output was less than anticipated. As with electrical power, peak periods are more expensive. Peak periods in your workday, as an entrepreneur are more valuable, so allocate them wisely and use that high-energy surge to get the work done faster and better.
Good communication is a key to understanding your child better. Togther, parenting coaches and parents review the steps to maintaining a harmonious relationship that keeps the parent-child relationship healthier and flourishing.
Firstly, be genuinely familiar with your child’s language especially during times of conflicts and confrontations. Familiarize yourself with your child’s words, the tone of voice, and emotional responsivity. Does the chid’s speech tone suggest a specific emotion like anxiety, shyness, fear, or the need to dominate or be shy? Secondly, learn how to accept the full range of your child’s emotionality.
- How do you take the chid’s overall behavior?
- Can you receive the emotions and feelings of your child?
- As you succeed in understanding his feelings, you are better able to guide him to express his unpleasant and unlikely feelings appropriately.
- Encourage a child’s real feelings in conversation. Suppression of emotions and feelings are not healthy.
Understanding a child
Thirdly, I have observed that not each parent shows a speaking child the courtesy of attention. Interrupting, bombarding the child with questions, or flinging anger and accusation signals that the child maintains her distance. Explain and make him realize that interrupting any speaker is considered rude by some adults.. This is also a way of instilling him some part of good values. Fourthly, always be approachable. As much as possible, help your child know that she can approach you and not to hesitate to discuss any problem or requests. If the child realizes that open communication between him and you is always possible, imagine how much respect your child has for you! Fifthly, ask questions so you gather further information, but not in an interrogating manner. Try to ask questions that solicit honest and direct answers from your child. How do you act and speak to your child, so that she feels confident with you. Lastly, provide useful, helpful and assuring responses to your child’s questions. Apply the principles of reflective listening. This way, you could have a clear and actual grasp of what it is your child is trying to tell you. Reflect on his words and the manner by which he talks. Understanding your child entails setting a good pattern of open communication between you both.
A Certified Parenting Coach is a trained professional who works with parents to solve problems, clarify goals, or find solutions to issues relating to parenting and family.
Parenting has never been easy. Among the children, their schooling, your spouse and other engagements, parenting could get complicated or overwhelming. The good news is you can make the best of parenting with the right assistance from a professional parenting coach.
A Certified Parenting Coach has completed professional training in the dynamics of coaching parents through coaching techniques, listening, as well as how to approach problem solving and structuring new situations for success. A parenting coach is not a therapist. He/she is a trained and experienced professional who uses strategy to assist parents in raising their children and maintaining balance in the family.
The bold difference between a parenting coach and a therapist is the status of parents or clients involved. Parents make a conscious and informed decision to receive assistance from a parenting coach. The aim is not to heal any broken spirits of the past, but to work together to develop more suitable parenting style, responses to daily dealings or solve problems in behavior, communication, or issues that arise.
How Does It Work?
The essence of coaching parents is to offer working solutions to families or parents experiencing some frustration. As children mature and become involved in different social circles, most parents experience frustrating times when the old rules or skills no longer work.
Most parenting problems include variations on these themes:
Parents with a short temper
Children who are disrespectful
Children who are stubborn or defiant
Lack of responsibility
Lack of discipline
Dealing with a divorce, separation or loss of a loved one
Whining or throwing tantrums, and so on
The challenges one could encounter as a parent are endless and sometimes take different forms as children grow up.
A parenting coach is a fast and effective way to manage and eliminate these issues. It all begins when you contact a certified parenting coach. Meetings or consultation can take place either through a detailed phone call conversation or a visit to your home to assess the situation.
During this time a parenting coach does two things for a parent in distress:
1. Listens effectively
The solution to every problem begins when shared. Being able to share your challenges with a kind and compassionate listener is the first step to getting rid of the problem. At this time the parent will feel relieved and supported.
2. Offer personalized solutions
After receiving a full brief of the issue, the parenting coach will be able to identify the problem and brainstorm possible solutions and strategies. This process also involves a series of steps.
First, the parenting coach will ask all necessary questions and provide insight into causes, effects and characteristics of the issue.
The next step can be to equip you with new information that will give you a deeper understanding and view a different perspective on the problem. Now, the once confused parents can begin to see new possibilities and solutions.
Finally, both parent and parenting coach collaborate to come up with ideas and strategies that are peculiar to your family and parenting issue.
Typical parent coaching methodology pays particular attention to helping parents regain confidence and authority in their parenting skills.
Within a few weeks of implementing new strategies and suggestions from your parenting coach, you will see some positive results.
In the end, parents become better equipped to perform their role, while children become accountable and responsible for their actions and life choices.
Benefits of a parenting coach
It is an effective way to seek assistance and discuss your parenting problems within a professional framework that eliminates the stigma of psychotherapy.
It is the best option for working or busy parents
It is an opportunity to broaden your knowledge of parenting.
It is an excellent career choice.
Why Does It Work?
Parent coaching is useful because its approach is constructive and personalized.
Remember that parent coaching is a team effort. A parent must be open to discussing the full length of the issue and trying new ideas.
Who Needs a Parenting Coach?
Some think that perhaps this option of a parenting coach is for parents who are failing in their role, and this is untrue.
Parent coaching is a choice made my parents, who know how vital their roles are in the lives of their children. It is for parents who are bold enough to seek help when they meet a roadblock in parenting.
It is for those who desire a focused and strategic means to solve various problems that parents often encounter with their child.
Who Can Be a Parenting Coach?
The thing about parenting is that it belongs to everyone. Professionals who feel called to serve parents and families respond to their calling. Parenting coaches share certain traits like enjoying working with children, youth and parents, crafting conversations, finding answers, and discussing discipline solutions
Also, if you are a parent or a child care provider, you can equally learn how to be more effective in your role.I have always believed in the full benefits of the profession of a parenting coach. The process of learning, practicing or consulting with a parenting coach presents equal opportunities for each of us to gain something profound easily.