How to Understand Children through Temperaments Traits

One sensitive issue parents contend with is their child's temperament. Understanding children's inborn traits is a key to better parenting and happier children, especially in the development years.

Before my daughter was born, I imagined her to be a specific type of a good-natured child. As she grew up, I realized my always viewing her as good-natured was a pre-conceived idea I had. Her childhood moods meandered through creative, sensitive, emotional, and even defiant in the early teen years. And she was good natured about most events in her life.

Understanding her temperament enabled me not to blame my self for her situations. Instead, I learned strategies to deal with difficult circumstances or conditions. One point of discipline I followed was to diffuse challenging situation so as not to escalate into major conflicts that might cause harm.

Temperament information helps you see how your child learns, responds, reacts, and behaves. Through the earlier years of development, you see reactions begin to form into a pattern of values, needs, and fears:

+++++ One child needs closeness, touch, and assurance from parents.Thus, he values following his parents, climbing in their laps and being cuddled or held.
His fear of not having the needs met, or when his needs are not met, he feels, hurt, lost, or angry.

+++++ Another youngster values being by herself--independence.
She plays with her dolls and likes doing so by herself.
Her need to learn through trial an error means that she pushes parents away sometimes with the familiar, "I can do it."

+++++ Children, who readily and quickly shift, show adaptive temperaments. They learn more by doing and practicing.

+++++ Children, who have slower-to-warm temperaments, learn by watching and rehearsing internally.

+++++ Children's challenging temperaments cause us to regroup:

  1. Ask what is the child going through?
  2. Is this a temperament trait or learned behavior that needs to change?
  3. Are the child's needs being met?
  4. Are fears causing issues?
  5. Has the child's value been diminished in any way?

Easy/Flexible Temperament

This child views the world through optimistic eyes, adapts quickly and maintains positivity well. He is a natural learner, eats and sleeps regularly (has no trouble sleeping), is pleasant and cheerful, and displays a low-intensity mood.

Because this child feels deeply in certain situations, he has few significant emotional outbursts. This type comprises about 40% of all people.

Feisty/Difficult/Spirited

The Feisty/Difficult/Spirited group of children comprises about 10% of the population. This grouping is the opposite of the flexible children. Feisty children are slow to adapt to the routines: napping, eating, homework, quiet time. Moreover, bowel movements are not regular. The spirited child has preferences for parents to discover and manage. On the hand, the child shows his mastery for specific tasks.

The feisty child has tantrums, is fussy, and can be unpleasant in disagreements. With high energy, this child explores with intensity and can get into mischief, On the other hand, he or she is bursting with energy and explores the surrounding and people intensely.

Slow-To-Warm Types

The third general temperament type is aptly called Slow-To-Warm, and 15% of the population belongs to this category. Slow to warm types are shy or highly-sensitive persons (which they sometimes are. They watch their world and usually observe on the outside of things before joining. Their internal clock is disrupted easily and shows up in irregular sleeping, feeding and other personal habits. This child seems to be always enjoying things or doing them at his own sweet pace.

The rest of the 35% of the population are combinations of several temperaments. They exhibit traits of all three temperament types and cannot be categorized into a single trait pattern. The feature they share is that they have characteristics of all three temperaments.

In all these temperament types, you will also find yours. Understanding children and their temperaments include understanding your own. Doing so will open your eyes to the many areas where you can connect to that of your children, or whether you are compatible with each other or not.

Certified Consultant vs. Certified Coach

NEW: Why does ACPI now offer Certified Professional Consultant Training after a dozen years of providing only Professional Coach Certifications? 

The answer is to specify and encourage skills for the specific temperament types and blends of people dedicated to serving and helping others. The roles that each temperament type might look very different. 

For example, what each temperament type might offer is not so black and white, as much as, it depends on the preferences of the blended temperaments and motivation. For example, 

  • Thinkers have advice to give and problem-solving skills to offer in an organized fashion. 
  • Supporters often share emotional support and offer hands-on practical advice.
  • Creative Influencers remind us of the motivation to create and the allowance to unfold and manifest those innovations. 

The coaching model for self-growth maximizes a person’s performance by unlocking one’s potential through a series of questions, choices, and determining how results rate.

Rather than teaching, coaching is akin to guiding, checking in with questions and reviewing progress toward goals or outcomes on a set schedule. The coach has graduated from a course or training that signifies expertise in the coaching model. 

Consulting, on the other hand, involves giving advice. Also, the one giving advice is an astute expert in a particular field. A Professional Parenting Consultant, for example, demonstrates knowledge and solutions for advising in a specific area: for example; sleep, tantrums, school performance, adolescents, or babies.  

Getting babies to sleep, 
Managing a toddler’s tantrums
Helping a five-year-old learn to focus and complete a task. 
Helping a school-age child learn discipline through study skills, play skills, or focusing skills. 

A Certified Professional Parenting Coach might ask more questions about the situation: 

What is the bedtime routine?
What instructions, if any, does the parent give the child? 
How strictly is the child monitored, depending on the child’s age?
What schedule has the parent set for the child? 
What resistance or behavior does the child exhibit?
What role is more comfortable for you? 

The bottom line about training in coaching or consulting is best determined by idetifying your temperament and motivation

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Coaching Families

Many parents have told ACPI family coaches that understanding how their core temperaments clashed with their child's developing traits was a profound experience.

My Role Is...

The certified family coach or consultant is an upbeat example and influence in assisting families today. Coaching Families could include defining their values, creating a family crest, making communication maps, or establishing family meetings. Coaching families could include systematizing the routines that help family member enjoy each other more.

The coaches define:

  1. The roles they wish to offer families,
  2. How to design the family-coach agreement,
  3. Their personal brand, strengths, and their coaching tools,
  4. Discuss their ideas of how coaching with families looks and works

Coaching Skills

The skills for coaching families received through ACPI training include:

  • Knowing personal core values
  • Knowing core temperaments traits
  • Demonstrating how you recognize core temperament patterns in your life.
  • Demonstrating why this is a foundation for your coaching skills
  • Demonstrating why this knowledge is beneficial in working with a family member or members, and how it empowers your ability to coach people.
  • Determine family needs – time management? Financial planning? De-stress times? Prioritize values and family decisions.
  • Coaching through discipline issues

Certified Family Coach Information

Get Into The Parent Coaching Profession

Your Invitation To Parenting Coaching!

Why Do Families Need Coaches?

Training and raising a child could be as challenging as managing a little league baseball team, or a parent may not have had a healthy role model to follow. They may have learned parenting skills through trial and error.

How to Help Formulate Change?

 

A human being’s beliefs about him/herself and the surrounding world have been programmed by eight years of age.

Building on the knowledge that we cannot change anyone else, the goal of parent coaching is to understand and formulate change in the situation, environment, the mindset or context of the event.

 

Too Much Gray?

Sometimes parenting's black-and-white rules are more like gray areas where circumstances, temperaments, and environments need definitions or boundaries. A parenting coach offers a fresh set of eyes, a different view, and the right questions  for clarity.

 

Clarify the Game Rules?

Coaching teaches empowerment and growth through honest examination of values and goals. Also, you clarify or define the rules of the game to make life more pleasant for the entire family. Parenting coaching lessens the conflict and trauma.

 

Culture, Content, or Conflict?

Coaching involves a person's mind, body, emotions and spirit, as well as the social and cultural context of a situation.

The roots of family conflicts  may be in relationships, lowered self-esteem, unhealthy thinking, or academic underachievement.

 

 

 

Is Now Your Time?

If parent coaching is on your mind, then turn your interest into your passion and learn the things you need to know about the profession.

What Are Your Natural Talents?

What you should know is that good parenting coaches come from all the walks of life. Most of them share the same characteristics. Do you have these natural traits or skills?

Your Heart Skills?

  • Compassion: do you love encouraging others and genuinely like people?
  • Passion: do you have a passion for all things parenting?
  • Curiosity: are you constantly curious about children and how to support positive behavior and growth? 

How Is Your Motivation?

  • Good listening ability: are you a good listener and like listening to people who express their challenges?
  • Empathy: Are you comfortable giving them space and time to express their worries.
  • Self-motivation: are you keen to have a career that nourishes from the inside, gives you a purpose, and improves your parenting skills.

Are Your A People Person?

Every parenting coach understands that the child-parent relationship is the major influence on the important aspects of a child’s development. During the coaching conversation, you  help the parent understand and discover constructive ways to address different situations that are causing concern.

Do Your Skills Fit Their Needs?

Assist others to identify their goals and strengths. Help them design action steps to attaining parenting goals by providing resources, information and positive affirmation. Encourage parents to discover and address stressors and challenges that may impact them and their children.

The Academy Invites You...

You are invited to join the Academy for Coaching Parents International that offers training and certification.

Find Your Passion Skills Set

Practicality Versus Passion

Your passion skills set is best recalled from enjoyable childhood moments. Do you remember moments in your childhood that felt freeing and fun? One that I remember was bike riding on a Saturday afternoon. The freedom to explore and wind around different neighborhoods cleared my mind and rejuvenated my body. The passion skills set of exploring neighborhoods and enjoying the outdoors is now my walking daily to clear my head and get a fresh perspective on business or a project.

Such childhood memories that we’re passionate about aren’t really the most practical things to do when we grow up and become "responsible." So we often put off when more pressing “responsible” concerns arise like taking the kids to extracurricular activities.

Truths About Passion Skills and Temperaments

If your passion feels obscure or far away, you may not think that the practical skills are worth exploring. However they are, and if you identify with even one of these three reasons, then do explore how to make your passion skills set practical.

  1. Fifty percent of our motivation to pursue a passion stems from our core temperament(s). From temperaments comes what we value, and our innate drive keeps pushing us toward using our strengths and putting talents to use. If you don't use your innate talents, you don't lose them.  Quite the contrary happens. They rise up and get in your face!
  2. Thus you cannot squash your passion. It keeps nudging you, reminding you, trying to motivate you to a course of action.
  3. You will always feel out of sync when not aligned with values and using passion skills set.  The best examples I can provide are the men and women who have pursued the careers of their parents or went for what they "thought" was the right thing, only to be disappointed later.

The solution to staying motivated is to bring your passion skills set into practical living and practical projects.  It is possible to find the practical skills behind your passion. My passion has always been writing, and, eventually in my adult years, I followed these steps to embrace my passion. If I didn't, it hounded me.


“There is no passion to be found playing small – in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living.”
—Nelson Mandela

Writing Short Stories

 Let’ start with the more common one. There are many secret writers, who love to create poetry or prose, but we all know that most authors don’t end up on the best seller list. In fact, most writers never make a dime from their writings. They write and narrate because they feel the calling to do so. They enjoy writing because it motivates them and makes them happy. They are using their core strengths, which is a natural thing to do. The are building a skill set and making it better each time

The Creative Magic Sparks

When someone is following a normal talent or motivation or nudge, a spark of magic happens, and the door of creativity opens. Ideas pour into the writer's mind. A strange character for the novel introduces herself. The ending of the story took a new turn and recreated a new ending.

Like the old writer's joke says: How can I start writing?   Answer: Sit down and start start writing. In the literal sense, when you practice your passion, even for fun and just for yourself, you are honing the creative skills.

 


“It’s your place in the world; it’s your life. Go on and do all you can with it, and make it the life you want to live.” —Mae Jemison


 

Here are more steps to discover these skills.

  1. Take an objective look at what you do as a writer.

When you sit down to write something, take a moment and jot down all of the things that you’re doing or are about to do. For example:

Create a story

Organize the idea

Create characters

Research/describe the setting of the story

Commit to a project from start to finish

  1. Research the job descriptions of writer. Do a web search for “writer job description.” This will give you some great insight into the skills built through writing.

Make a list of the skills you find in a few of the job.

Go through the list and pull out skills that you feel apply best to you and add them to the first

  1. Research writers’ websites and look at the services they provide to give you some insight into skills you hadn’t considered. Add them to your list.

Now you ave created a real-life practical skills list for a passion that motivates your path. If you decide to take the next steps, they are mix, mingle, and learn.

Writers are often solitary souls who need a writer's group for support. Join one or start one.

 Go to writing events and talk to other writers who love what they do as much as you do.  There are conferences, festivals and networking events for a wide variety of topics.

Find local writing events by doing a web search. Not only will you learn about the skills that you have developed, you might meet some cool new writing friends to support you in following your passion..

You can use these same steps to find passion skills sets in any area, and start using them to follow the natural course of your motivating strengths.

Are you a type of person who is looking to get out of this rat race and work for yourself from home by being your own boss?

 Have a look at our courses and get one step closer to your dream life.

 

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